Psychology Needed...UPDATE!

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Hijacking allowed #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My problem isn't nervousness, or lack of drive. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Its more of an issue of me not having a green horse for so long and when I was riding, schooling school horses to keep them tuned up, and my last real mount was my show horse. I feel like going back to square one is frustrating. But the reality is--I don't have the cash to buy a ready made horse. When he gets to the point where I'm happy (even jumping 2'6 courses and pinning in any manner), I'm not going to sell him. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I made that mistake with my last mare. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I've been dreaming a lot of my old horse lately, and I wake up and keep wondering how much longer with this guy until he's as good as she was. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think sometimes I also forget about the hard times I experienced with her. She was worse to break and her training was horrendous for the first two years. Come to think of it, I wanted to sell her more than once. Difference is, it never used to bug me before. I feel the time pinch--I only have so many more years to do this before the kids come and I don't have the resources (time and money). I know you're all going to go on about having lots of time, but in reality, I have to think about purchasing a home, saving for other things in life other than my horse. I feel like I need to make the most of this hiatus from reality so I can remember when I didn't have a family, didn't have as many bills, and it was just Mr.GS, me and our animals. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Sorry..stupid puter. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Again---sorry! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Kobau]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#There has been some great advice so far. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#i have my days where i just want to cry, i can't seem to get anything right during a ride, on any of my horses.......... on a day like that, i go and either sit out in the field and my 3.5 yr old that will likely never be a riding horse due to her legs, comes and has a snuggle with me to remind me why i have horses.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#ff0000#ed_cl#BECAUSE I LOVE THEM!#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#ff0000#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#000000#ed_cl#We have good days and bad days, they are animals not machines. Humans aren't perfect, so we can't expect anything or anyone else to be perfect.....#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Here is my question for you. Why are you riding? is it because you want to please others? or because you have aspirations and goals? Or is it because a bad day riding is worth it because at least you were riding and being with horses instead of spending your life without horses? That is how i look at it. I would rather suffer a bad day, then not have my horses and ride...#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I do show. i show for me, and for my horses. If we stay in the ring we won. if we cleared x number of fences, we won. if we had fun and made round the xc course, we won. If i went in the ring and completed my reining pattern and had one hell of a good time doing it, we won. The ribbon, the tittle, etc doesn't mean a thing if you aren't enjoying it.......... but hey that's just me. I show due to a love of showing, not because i set a goal of getting to such and such a level by this time........I go at the speed on my partners.... i say partners because i have the honour of being partnered with a variety of horses, all at different levels with different abilities...#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#GS, just read your last post...... and here is something i'm sure you realise.. but i'll say anyways, your boy will never be what your mare was, they are different animals... he may be as trained as her at one point, but he will never be the same. You have given yourself this time frame, which yes i understand... i have this coming show season to show at least 2 horses, if not 3+ to the best of my ability while working, prepping to go back to school and likely having to move for all that again.... I understand the pressure...... but i also know that the pressure is often what will delay you from reaching your goals.  Rubel, my main show horse now, if i'm stressed, worried, upset or anything other than truly ready to work will tell me off. He will tense up, act up, pick up wrong leads, out and out make my life hard... until i stop do some deep breathing relax and admit that riding is not the time to be stressed out, it is the time to enjoy and work with an amazing partner, learning together.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#But hey that is just my long winded opinion#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Patricia]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I am sorry but I am in total agreement with Ruth.  You went from Dali to this filly without a though.  I still think you gave up a good horse and didn't give him a chance.  FEAR does terrible things if you don't work through it.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I would be doing all my work in the so called scarey corner....till there is NO spook left in her.  Start all your ground lunge work there.  If your the only one with the problem she is sensing your fear.  Then when mounted ride by this area without a care breathing regularly.  Don't go down to the good end at all.  Stay in that scarey half of the arena only.  Then when she is calm work the whole arena.  Like Rio said your forgeting your roots dressage and doing cowgirl lessons....Is that what you really want.  Re-evaluate things...Like Ruth I wouldn't be so quick to give up....STICK IT OUT...Be positive.  Maybe try a dressage coach.  Get them riding her first 1/2 lesson and you finish.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Ruth]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I've been dreaming a lot of my old horse lately, and I wake up and keep wondering how much longer with this guy until he's as good as she was. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I remember saying to my ex-coach that I couldn't wait until Boomer was as well-schooled as Baye. He's there now.#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Happy/12.gif"#ed_cl# But he'll never be the completely trustworthy schoolmaster she was.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You're right about the limited years, and I do feel that crunch too. But if you put too much pressure on yourself to get there too fast you will most likely be disappointed, some pressure helps accomplish goals, but too much will be counter-productive, and when things don't go well you feel it more. Set smaller goals that work toward the larger one, and don't be so hard on yourself or your horse when things don't go well.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I am sorry but I am in total agreement with Ruth.  You went from Dali to this filly without a though.  I still think you gave up a good horse and didn't give him a chance.  FEAR does terrible things if you don't work through it.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I would be doing all my work in the so called scarey corner....till there is NO spook left in her.  Start all your ground lunge work there.  If your the only one with the problem she is sensing your fear.  Then when mounted ride by this area without a care breathing regularly.  Don't go down to the good end at all.  Stay in that scarey half of the arena only.  Then when she is calm work the whole arena.  Like Rio said your forgeting your roots dressage and doing cowgirl lessons....Is that what you really want.  Re-evaluate things...Like Ruth I wouldn't be so quick to give up....STICK IT OUT...Be positive.  Maybe try a dressage coach.  Get them riding her first 1/2 lesson and you finish.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#HOW does one work through the fear though??  HOW do you force yourself to not be afraid?  I've been struggling with this for MONTHS...years, actually, if you include the time I had Dali.  If someone could turn on a switch and I all of a sudden felt no more fear, my problems would be solved.  But no one has been able to do that.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#There is a really solid schoolie packer at my barn.  I'm thinking of asking for some lessons on him, to work on my confidence.  And then maybe get the BO to work Tequila at the scary end of the arena, and also to work on her cantering.  Back when he put the 30 days of training on her, I asked him repeatedly to work her at the scary end.  He said he did, but never when I was there to watch.  If I can see him work her down there without incident, I know that it'll give me the confidence to do it too.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#    #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm glad everyone understands about the time crunch..I need to sit back relax and have fun. Showing used to be so much fun. I loved getting ready, and going out to the barn. It seems lately I have to have a plan of action when I go out there, which I never did before..I did whatever flew into my head and we had fun with my impulsiveness. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Everyone has given me well thought out food for thought. I've been seriously considering going to a sports psychologist to help me relax and give me mental exercises. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have goals, and this is the first time I've had a time limit put on it. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Now I retreat to breathe deeply. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I am sorry but I am in total agreement with Ruth.  You went from Dali to this filly without a though.  I still think you gave up a good horse and didn't give him a chance.  FEAR does terrible things if you don't work through it.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I would be doing all my work in the so called scarey corner....till there is NO spook left in her.  Start all your ground lunge work there.  If your the only one with the problem she is sensing your fear.  Then when mounted ride by this area without a care breathing regularly.  Don't go down to the good end at all.  Stay in that scarey half of the arena only.  Then when she is calm work the whole arena.  Like Rio said your forgeting your roots dressage and doing cowgirl lessons....Is that what you really want.  Re-evaluate things...Like Ruth I wouldn't be so quick to give up....STICK IT OUT...Be positive.  Maybe try a dressage coach.  Get them riding her first 1/2 lesson and you finish.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#HOW does one work through the fear though??  HOW do you force yourself to not be afraid?  I've been struggling with this for MONTHS...years, actually, if you include the time I had Dali.  If someone could turn on a switch and I all of a sudden felt no more fear, my problems would be solved.  But no one has been able to do that.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#There is a really solid schoolie packer at my barn.  I'm thinking of asking for some lessons on him, to work on my confidence.  And then maybe get the BO to work Tequila at the scary end of the arena, and also to work on her cantering.  Back when he put the 30 days of training on her, I asked him repeatedly to work her at the scary end.  He said he did, but never when I was there to watch.  If I can see him work her down there without incident, I know that it'll give me the confidence to do it too.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#    #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Its tough isn't it? Fear is something to be slowly conquered. I had a bad fall over fences, and anything over two feet was scary. I slowly put it up and did exercises that made me feel confident. It helped quite a bit. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think the schoolie would be good for you at this point, to supplement riding Tequila. I'm thinking of the same thing, just so I relax again and enjoy myself and get excited to ride my horse again. It isn't fear for me--its just relaxing and not so much pressure on our rides. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Kobau]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chenders outright ask him to work with her when you are there at the scarey end. It is for you as much as for her.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Gracie, I think that riding schoolmasters every so often, while you're working with a greenie, is almost a necessity.  You really lose a lot, when your focus is always on training.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It sounds as though your main issue is that you feel that biological clock ticking?  You want to get certain things accomplished before you take time off to start a family?  I guess I can understand that, even though I can't relate (since I never had kids).  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think that a change of scenery can sometimes be a really good thing.  Riding a different horse can make you realize how much you appreciate your own.  It can also help you work through problems you're having with your own horse.  I think I'm going to ask my BO tomorrow, for some lessons on his packer-horse.  Things as they are, are not really working out for me right now so it's time to make some changes.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Ruth]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I just made myself do the scarey thing. I was VERY motivated to overcome the problem. However, that doesn't mean I wouldn't have given up - put him in training, sold him on and bought something more suitable. Admitting you are overfaced is not something to be ashamed of. It happens, but you have to find a solution. For me - Boomer was the spendy talented WB I had always wanted and never had the chance to have, I was very determined to make it work. I told myself I would give "us" a good chance at fixing our issues, but if it was not improving I would sell him. Having to sell your dream is pretty good motivation. But I would not have kept him if it became obvious that I wasn't going to be able to ride him comfortably. There is no point in beating yourself up and not doing what you want with a horse interminally.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[RioG]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#chenders, what about tons of ground work?  When I used to be afraid of Rio (and boy, sometimes I was really afraid) I would longe and longe and longe... It really helped to develop the bond and lessen my fear.  Still does with new horses.  I was working with Dan, a very green broke grade, and longeing him helped me recognize that he wouldn't hurt a fly.  Angel, the spazzy standarbred mare, also was taught to longe.  I never did get on her before she left, but I was bound and bent not to get on her until I was comfortable on the ground.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My suggestion is to spend lots of time longeing, doing "showmanship" (from my QH days) and other stuff in the scary corner.  Worst comes to worse you just let her go (provided you're in the arena alone).  No one gets hurt.  In time your confidence will build.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Elizabeth]

A couple of thoughts ...

I bought a young horse a few years ago against my better judgement. My coach convinced me that I was ready to handle it. It didn't work out, he wasn't the right horse, my coach was pushing me to achieve before I felt any connection with him etc. etc. I sold him and have never regretted it. I am now toying with the idea of another youngster, rising 4. However, if he doesn't have an amazing temperament etc. I will walk away. (I am going to see him on Sunday). The wrong horse for you is probably the right horse for someone else. Both partners need to enjoy the partnership.

About goals - there are two types of goals, long term and short term. Long term goals are a wonderful thing to have, they give us something to dream about and to aim for. However, we are talking horses here and two athletes, not one. Anything can happen to derail us on the way. So, what do we do? Continually focus on the long term goals and get frustrated when we don't reach them? Or make each and every ride about short term goals. My aim was to finish every ride and find at least one positive aspect. That was achieving a goal, simple and effective. Even if it was only a good halt to finish, that became what I would think about afterwards. The rest will drive you crazy. If all you focus on is your long term goals you will miss the tiny, but important, achievements along the way.

When I bought my horse he was difficult, angry and hard to ride. Once I changed my focus I can honestly say that in 15 years I can count on one hand the number of rides that I considered to be total disasters. And looking back, what we achieved was incredible. Keep a diary, write down what you need to work on but celebrate each and every small victory. Your horse will appreciate it as well.

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Rio, I'm not a very good lunger.  My previous coach was a GREAT lunger and she had a lot of success with Tequila on the lunge-line, but then I'd get on there, and Tequila would ignore me, gawk around at everything, and the whole session would end up being more detrimental than valuable.  So, I don't really lunge her at all anymore.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I *do* do ground-work with her, and leading her around, asking her to "whoa" and move away from pressure.  I have a long lead-rope and I walk to the end of it and make her stand at the other end.  If she moves, she gets backed up.  She is a pushy mare, and these exercises have really worked at establishing my role as her leader.  She constantly challenges my position, so I have to be really diligent.  If I give her an inch, she takes a mile.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I also walk her up to the scary end and make her "whoa".  If she spooks and runs away, I just take her back and keep working with her until she listens to me and doesn't spook anymore.  But this hasn't translated over to the under-saddle stuff.  If I'm riding her, she senses my nervousness and, if she doesn't actually spook, I can tell that she's on edge and is just waiting for an excuse to spook.  I haven't gotten to the point yet where I can just ignore the fact that she's nervous.  I know that I need to get to that point though, but am still trying to figure out HOW.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[goldendryad]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#GS - I always find that riding with an agenda ruins it. They know and can feel that rigid agenda and don't always want to conform to it. A horse is an individual, just like you and me, not a machine. They have good days and bad days, just like we do. That doesn't mean you throw your goals out the window, but it means that you keep them in the back of your mind and live in the moment instead. If he has a bad day, get him through basic stuff and things he loves to do, and leave it at that.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#If it's a good day get some stuff accomplished, but keep him in mind too. Make sure he leaves the session feeling happy too. You both must end on a good note.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Take a break and just hang out with him on the ground once in a while. Take him for a walk, get him to stretch for treats. Get him to go over/under/around objects on the ground while longing. Play with him.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I love what Kobau said. Loving your horses and setting smaller, happier goals for both of you.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Fear - I suffer from it too. There's nothing like losing/lacking confidnce to take teh joy out of riding. How is it overcome? With baby steps. With acknowledging your comfort level, pushing it a little but within reason. I have trouble cantering my horse, why? Because he's my baby and I love canter so much and it takes a lot of trust for me to comfortably canter a horse that it matters more. After my accident I associated speed with scary. I still have to get over that a little. I know it's there and I talk myself through it. I make sure I feel comfortable first. Or I put myself in a position wheren I'm pushed to do it, but safely. Like on trail rides with my BO. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Mastering your nerves and tension with your horse. Well make sure she can handle the situation on the ground before asking her to under saddle. Why does she hate the scary end? Is it poorly lit? Are there peices of equipment? Is it furthest from the entrance? Is it all in your head? Do you tense up there? Sing, laugh, talk to her. Tell her it is not scary. If you feel her tense, circle right away in that spot until she comes down. Do circles that get bigger til you get closer to it. Keep her focused on something there. Like ground poles, or weaving around pilons. Or go down the centre line and then only cover half the arena.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Can you tie her in that area, with a quiter older horse? Or only ride with another quiet horse in the arena? Can you pony her on another horse down at that end? Can you let her loose in the arena and free longe her and get her into that area on her own? Or watch your coach ride her there. I don't want to be rude but a good coach can make all the difference. My current coach is super at working me through tension and fear. She's the best coach ever when it comes to that. Even if you can't afford to bring a coach in, can you have a friend or someone on here come and "coach" you through your fears for a while? Getting someone to acknowledge your worries and help you through them in a proactive manner. Maybe ask Soda how to get in touch with rockyhorse.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Can you start your ride on the good end and maybe go large around the bad end once every ride and increase your visits down there over time? Do some problem solving, be patient, and relax. It will all come together. If you take the time it takes, eventually it takes less time. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Always keep yourself calm and relaxed and have a smile on your face when handling her on the ground. Don't get upset or rattled, just try again. Channel that inner feeling of peace and contentment that's in you somewhere. Act indifferent to her antics. Breathe and relax your body. Allow yourself to slouch. Once you master that inner relaxation on the ground, it gets easier to call it up under saddle.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I know you can get through this. Just keep trying. There's a reason why you and Tequila are together.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Patricia]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Getting over FEAR:  As Kobau stated that visual of your trainer riding her in the SCAREY part of the arena to see her reaction is for YOU as much as it is for your horse.  You have to see how he deals with her reaction.  TELL him exactly what you want out of his training rides no matter how silly it sounds to him.  The visual is for you to see how to handle situations and your fear will not go away but you confidence may take over when you see that it is primarily happening to you...or if it does happen to him learn his method of getting through it.  BE PRESENT for every training session.  You need to have that visual.  If I see my horse is obedient it give me confidence to overcome the bad rides.  It is like re-learning something in your mind.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#There is a book out called that Winning Feeling.  I can't recall who by (maybe Jane Savoie)...there is a dressage horse/rider of the front.  It tell how to deal with fear, show gitters and many other situations.  I loaned my copy to a coach who was afraid to show and never got it back.  Heck, she didn't even drive a car.  I felt she could use the book moreso that I at that point.  I think what you need to search out is a good coach.  Not a cowboy who bred and sold you the horse.  It will pay off in the end.  If dressage is your passion search out a good dressage coach.  Maybe have them ride the first few lessons. If everything goes swell ride the last half.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#For me, the horse in my avatar would be the equivalent to your Dali.  Only your Dali didn't seem to do anything.  My horse was a bundle of nerves...he would prance not walk.  His barn name was Caper...which meant to leap and frolic around--you get the idea he came with baggage.  Of course, I was much younger then and determined (probably your age).  I was fearless in the beginning till people told me they knew of my new horse and stories of his dangerous behaviour were getting back to be.   I enlisted the help of a hunter jumper coach. He specialized in dealing with TB's and starting them after the track.  He had such a calm demeanor and I was the opposite he could sense my fear and anxiety.  He basically taught me to relax and breathe out rather than tense up through my back and seat.  He talked me through many situations that cropped up in our weekly lessons.  The horse eventually developed a trust and we worked through his many quirky behaviours.  He got me through the very basic stages and I went Trillium that first season and every dressage schooling show around.  He escorted me to the Trillium championship as my dressage coach...LOL!  My friend took him on as a coach as well.  We both place and had a memorable experience.  I think I was 3 or 4th out of over 20-25 horses and lots of high end WB's...back then too there was no Amateur divisions.  I was so proud of myself.  Although, the key in all this was chosing the right person as a support system.  Caper and I showed to Basic IV, although we were doing Med II stuff.  Mostly without a coach too.  I taught him half-pass trot, half-pass canter, counter-canter (the most difficult thing for him) and flying changes after the half-pass to counter-canter and change.  SO hard for him to wait.  So it can be done....You need a good support system in place ESPECIALLY in the beginning.      #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[RioG]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chenders - maybe learn to lunge!!  I find it such an invaluable tool... I wouldn't say I'm good at it - in fact Dan had my number in no time flat (liked to plant and pivot - not walk circles) but with work we got there.  And honestly, it made me trust him much faster than if I'd just hopped on his back.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Might be worth a shot.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Patricia]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I can't imagine you riding without doing any lunge work.  DEFINITELY learn to lunge.  It is a very good tool.  You can keep her in that SCAREY area on a small circle...move the circle at the other end, then take her back...lots of transitions, increasing speed within the gait....forward...she has really not been made to work or even break a sweat.  She is spooking probably to evade work.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think if she is really working she won't have time to think about spooking, plus taking the wind out of her sails can't hurt.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#When you say you let her gawk around...DON'T let her.  Who is in charge...Don't give control to her.  Was that a good enough PEP talk to get you through the weekend?  You should get a hold of that book....I found it VERY beneficial.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Sodapoppers]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#Now how did this thread get directed at Chender's? Dali may have been some other people's dream come true, and having met him and Chenders, I know she loved him, but after seeing Dali and then going to see Tequila, I could see Chender's eyes light up when Tequila was around. I really don't feel as if Chenders was "trying to pass the buck" for lack of better term.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#As for getting over the fear, that is a personal thing. Don't worry about that Chenders...With time it will come. Up until this past April I always used to think I was going to die getting on any horse, and i'd ALWAYS be so tense. It took awhile for me to trust Dream again after my bad fall. And HARVEY! Well let me tell you I was terrified of her at first LOL Not because of anything she #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#did#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# - but because she was an unknown to me u/s and i was never quite sure how she'd react to things. I had to really think about myself, where my body was and what i was doing at all times. I had someone pressuring me to take her into a show myself when I was not ready (someone was showing her with me and Dream in the summer). Things can go to quite the extreme - It got to the point where someone told me i should sell her because I "was not ready for a horse like her." That just made me more determined. As it is now I trust Harvey just as much (and more than in some cases) Dream. But I think that is because we had such a good relationship on the ground first. A relationship on the ground is not like the relationship under saddle? That is a statement to which I'm just gunna say "I totally disagree" My relationships with my horses has progressed to where it is probably better on the ground than under saddle that's where I do most of my work and spend most of my time so that's the most important to me. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#Anyways Chenders...don't let yourself get bulled around and hold your head high You and Tequila are making huge progress together.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#Oh and in regards to my post to GS...it was intended to make her SMILE #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#