A Sad Realization....(need to vent I guess)

[Hev339]

My realization is that I guess I have lost/am losing the ride on Bo. I've been replaced. And it makes me sooo sad, because I had such a connection with him, he was my "one" horse that you just click with perfectly.

I haven't really been replaced with another rider. It's just that they don't seem to have the time of day for me anymore. When it was decided that Bogart couldn't show this year because we were having so much trouble trailering him, that was it. I feel like I've been used.

I have a really tough work schedule, but I've done everything I can to go around it. And now, when I phone to tell them the days I am available to ride (AND work with their younger horses), there is always an excuse. This week, they just happen to be going away on the 2 days I have off in the middle of the week, so I can't ride. They told me I was welcome there any time, as long as there was someone around when I was actually riding. Yet that's obviously not the case.

And it's not like I don't tell them ahead of time. I actually phone them once a week and tell them my WHOLE schedule for the coming week, so we can fit in some rides. But that's not good enough.

And it used to be when they went away, they would ask me to come up and feed their horses, or turn them in, or feed the dogs...stupid barn chores and whatnot...and they never once complained about the job I was doing....but now they have someone else doing that, too.

I was also promised that I could handle 2 of their young horses in line shows this summer...but that job went to someone else. I was supposed to groom for them and get them ready to show...but someone else did it. So maybe it took me a while to get the hint...but really, I wish they would just come out and tell me if it's something I've done, or if they just think it's time we all move on and they don't want me to ride Bogart anymore.

I'm going over all of the reasons in my head, and I really honestly can think of nothing. I have not had a bad ride on Bogart...in fact, I've had some of the best and most consistent rides on him this summer. And I've brought him a long way for them.

I feel like they got what they wanted out of me, and now they are just dropping me. It's unfair. If only I had the money to take Bogart myself...in my 10 years of riding I have never loved a horse more.

And now I have nothing/nowhere to ride for the rest of the summer. I mean, I'm sure they would let me go up once or twice more, but to be honest, now I really don't want anything to do with them either.

I guess thats it....I just had to get that out. I'm having a pity party here. But I think I've realized that I should let go too....

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#*Hugs*...its frustrating, but sometimes barns go through cycles where they hire or strike a deal with someone new because they think they can bring something else to the barn. I've seen it happen and its sad that they are losing you...its their loss not yours. But it is sad you'll miss riding Bo...If you were closer, I'd have you riding my guy in no time! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#hev - have you tried talking to the owners about this?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#maybe they don't realize what they are doing & how it's upset you...perhaps they just plain forgot you were supposed to show/groom, etc for them.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#and i don't think they intentionally picked the two days you could ride to be the two days they happen to be away......unless they are really mean.... or just plain lying??#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#speak to them...if you've put all this effort into their banr & their horses, then the least you deserve is an explanation, which you won't get unless you stand up for yourself.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[rubberman]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Hev "hugs" to you I know how difficult it may be to have riding rights curbed on a horse that you love.  In the horse world expectations and directions sometimes do change and it is possible that the owners may feel that Bo will gain more from a different rider, however, they do owe you at a minimum at least an explanation and an honest response after all you have put a lot of time and effort into training Bo.  If you were closer to the Ottawa area I would also be willing to share my horses although some of them would require significant work to retrain them for a different discipline and none of them are anything really special with the exception of Charlotte (although they are all very special to me).  In my view the owners may be hesitant to give you an honest response because they recognize the work and effort you have made with Bo and perhaps do not want to hurt your feelings.  However, chin up, there will be other opportunities for you.#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//happy.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[jax]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I agree with BT, speak to them.  If you call them the next time and let them know when you are available, and they say no, ask flat out whether you are wasting your time or not.  Do they still want you to ride, or should you be looking elsewhere?  If they act like they don't know what you're talking about, simply tell them how you've been feeling, and see where it goes.  If you have been "replaced", better to get it all out in the open rather than you stewing over it.  Not good for your health #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Happy/2.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have found that a lot of horse people will promise the moon, and deliver nothing.  Don't take it personally - horse people are just crazy. #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Happy/7.gif"#ed_cl#  The  resident "trainer" at the barn I basically grew up with was exactly like that.  Everybody was going to ride all these horses and show in big shows and won't it be great?  And then when the time came - nothing.  For anyone.  The owners' son, who was an amazing rider and who I still see from time to time, completely quit horses because this guy ruined it for him.  It's a damn shame, but there you go.  Don't let them get you to that point.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Emerald]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Hi ,#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I sent you a private message,#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You may be interested in riding one of my horses, most of the details are in the message I sent you, I am sure you may have a few more questions. Although no horse could replace Bo, My Grey may find a special place in your heart too!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Please contact me, #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have problems with my connection to internet on my computer at home getting a solid connection to EC is almost impossible, if you call I should be at home after 8:30 tonight. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It would be great to talk.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Dream_Merchant]

<font face='times new roman' size=2 color=#609A9F><i>
*hugs* That's not good at all, but I agree with everyone above, you should definately have a chat to them, either they have just forgotten about it all, or they really are a nasty piece of work -- at least either way you will know what is going on.

Sounds like Emerald has a good deal for you as well, hopefully you can get back with Bo, or maybe at the least you could help out with someone elses horse to fill in the time. It's never easy stepping away from a horse you love though, everyone in the horse world knows that one I think (at the caring compassionate people in the horse world!!)</i></font>

[Meg78]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I know how you feel as well, and I would go with your gut.&nbsp; If you think they are ignoring you, they probably are!&nbsp; The same thing happened to me, I would call and set up lessons, then when the day came, they would always be cancelled, or the coach just wouldn't show up because of some emergency or another.&nbsp; I called to ask questions, didn't get a call back, and when I went to the barn, could see that my coach was there, but if I didn't go right up to her, she wouldn't come over and address my concerns.&nbsp; I got the hint, so I left.&nbsp; I don't get that treatment, or feeling at my new barn, so I know I made the right decision.&nbsp; If you are really attached to Bo and the barn, I would talk to them, but if you think you would be equally if not happier somewhere else, I would just leave.&nbsp; No sense having your self-esteem tested like that.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#*hugs* I can understand where you're coming from. Not that I've been replaced in my riding, but I've come to think of Zippy as my own, and recently with the BO loosing one of her school horses Zippy has taken on a couple more riders, and I have started working and am planning to keep the job through school, but then I'm going to university- I too am realizing that it may not all continue.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#&nbsp;#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I would talk to the owners too- it could be that they didn't think it was such a big deal and thought you were busy so you wouldn't mind, or else they are fearing telling you. I find the BO at my barn doesn't tell me things first hand either- I usually find it out through someone else- but it always feels much better to address the problem, and atleast with my BO, once I address it, it's never an issue.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#&nbsp;#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#&nbsp;#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Hev339]

Aw, thanks everyone for understanding...it's nice to know that at least people know where I'm coming from.

I have tried talking to them before about this issue, and they always assure me that everything is fine, then promise me more, then don't deliver.

This is also not a new thing...it's something that I feel like I've been fighting all summer. Every time I make plans, they make excuses.

I feel like an idiot that it's taken me this long to realize that perhaps everything isn't as rosy as I first thought it was.

Lately, the deal has been that if I go up, I ride Bogart, and then have to pony their granddaughter around on him, so I feel like I'm being used for that, too. I clean their stable and feed their horses and I have not heard a thank you or seen a dime, despite promises....

And I wouldn't put lying past anyone...not that they're completely evil...I've given them a lot and they've been very generous letting me work with their horses...but I have heard them flat-out lie to other people about things related to their horses before, and then turn to me and make an excuse for their lying.

And everyone who offered a horse or said they'd have a horse for me to try in a second if they could, just those words make me feel so much better! Thank you!

I've been feeling like I'm at a dead end, and stuck in a hard spot, where if I left this place, and Bogart (which, no matter the outcome, will be one of the hardest things I've done), I would have nowhere to go and nothing to ride. So thanks for the comments, they've made me feel more confident in my abilities and made me realize that there's plenty of opportunities out there even if I can't own a horse right now.

I am thinking that sadly, maybe I should just get out. I am off to University in September again anyway, and haven't had a chance to ride while I'm there, as there's no where around that I know of to ride. lol. So maybe it's best to finally cut that cord, and next summer, I can have a fresh start somewhere new.

(Oh, and you people in Ottawa, watch out! When I'm graduated and get a job in Ottawa, I'll be knocking at your barn doors. ).

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. It's made things a little more clear in my head.

Tomorrow I'm going up to collect all of my equipment, so we'll see how that goes.

[Kobau]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#((((Hugs))))) Now if we were near each other oh how happy i could be! another rider... #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#&nbsp;#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Talk to them flat out, ask them what is up. if they give you a round about answer then go with your gut!..#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Hev339]

Ok.

I went up this morning to get my stuff...(helmet, half-chaps, show stuff to put in the closet until next year...) and they were not there.

They left me a thank you note, and had all my stuff piled up and ready to go.

There was someone else there mucking out the stalls and working with the horses.

So I'm going with my gut. I think I get the hint...I keep second-guessing myself and think I'm overreacting, but like I said before, I've felt like this has been a long time coming.

I'm really sad to leave Bo. I really thought he was my "one" and it takes everything in me not to sit and cry about it for the rest of the day. (Thank god for work, takes my mind off of all this petty stuff).

But...on the bright side, I've realized there is definitely a lot more out there for me in the horse world, and I guess I should be excited for future opportunities.

[Patricia]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well that REALLY sucks!&nbsp; I know how hard it is to leave that 'special' horse.&nbsp; I say leave and don't look back.&nbsp; There ARE other special horses out there just waiting for you to connect.&nbsp; #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You don't post what area you live in.&nbsp; I would love to have a rider/companion BUT I am probably not in your area.&nbsp; Also, when your away at University a lot have equestrian clubs.&nbsp; &nbsp; My daughter goes to Trent in Peterborough and I believe there is riding not too far away.&nbsp; #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[rubberman]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Sorry that you had to leave Bo, but on the bright side you could have been putting even more work and effort into his training and the owners in all likelyhood would have reacted in much the same way (by the way just leaving a thank you note is, I think, a little cowardly).&nbsp; Remember that there are a lot of other opportunities out there and when one door closes another will open.&nbsp;&nbsp;Perhaps you are close to someone who will be glad to loan you a horse in return for riding companionship if so just go out and have some fun, enjoy just being around a horse (any horse available) you will soon see that he will gradually work&nbsp;his way into your heart.#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//happy.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Elizabeth]

I'm so sorry about what happened. But from your last post it seems that you are better off out of there. If people lie a lot, they will also lie about you. It is like a sickness. Best as far away from it as possible. Chalk it up to an incredible learning experience and a chance to ride an amazing horse. One day you'll look back and realize that things worked out for the best. For now, hugs and keep smiling.

[Hev339]

Patricia--I live in Bowmanville...so I can get to horses in the Oshawa/Blackstock/Orono area mostly. Unfortunately, there is no equestrian club at Brock University, and I've searched, but have not found any barns in the St. Catharines area that are easily accessible.

We got a call from them tonight. And everything has gone too far.

All they talked about was how I have been given a "free" horse to ride by them...they make it sound so one-sided, like I've done absolutely nothing for them. Right now, I'm just angry and really hurt.

At the end of the conversation, he had the nerve to say, "Well, I'll be calling you in the week to see if you want to put a ride on for us." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

So that's the end of that.

I'm just sad that Bo, who has a lot of potential, is never going to get to use much of it.

On the bright side...Emerald has been amazing to me, and hopefully I'll get to meet her horses sometime this weekend. I'm just excited to meet a new horsey person and give her as much help as I can with her horses.

[Patricia]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Ironically I am about 1 hour from Brock.&nbsp;&nbsp; I am glad you have found Emerald.&nbsp; Can I suggest you post on EMG.&nbsp; There are a lot of University students and they are often connected and find a way to ride.&nbsp; They may know of something in the area.&nbsp; I show in Niagara and there are many place to ride out that way but you would need access to a car...most university student do not.&nbsp; My daughter depends on the bus to get around while at school.&nbsp; It sounds like the move is for the better.&nbsp; Enjoy meeting Emerald and her horses!&nbsp; #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#So they said thank you for your services, as in they knew you were leaving? But yet they call you back up to ask you to ride?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#&nbsp;#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Seems very odd. I'm sure you will miss Bo, but I'm also sure you'll find another horse to bond with. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Hev339]

Thanks Patricia, I'll keep EMG in mind...

And yes, GU, the whole situation is odd. I think that is why it is best that I get out of it while I'm thinking clearly. And strangely, I've been quite calm about the whole thing, I somehow thought I'd be more upset. But I think in the back of my head I knew it was coming.

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#let us know how things turn out for ya hev! i'm sure there will be opportunities for you to ride, even at uni.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#