Relationship "problems"...

[Positively4thStreet]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My SO of nearly a year recently told me he didn't love me anymore. We tried breaking up, but ran into each other the next day, and he told me he'd made a mistake and wanted to get back together-- but he still didn't feel the same way.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#We stayed together, but it kept bothering me-- I mean, what was the point of him staying in a relationship with someone he wasn't in love with?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#We broke up and got back together a few more times after that (I know, I know, cold turkey, but it's hard!).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Now he's been saying he's been getting these "moments" where he thinks he's in love with me again, but he doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to lead me on, just in case it goes away again.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#He says it feels different, because the relationship's not "new and exciting" anymore. Either he just doesn't realize that relationships have a honeymoon phase, and then change, or he just wants his cake and eat it too. He's not using me for anything physical, I've decided not to do anything with someone who doesn't care about me like that. Every time we do break up, it's always his idea to get back together.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I'd tell him what I think it is-- I think he still loves me (or rather, I'd like to think he does), and he's just not used to the way relationships leave the honeymoon phase, as he's never been in a relationship long enough before to figure that out, and these "moments" he has (I get them, where I look at him doing something and I think about how much I love him for a minute, then everything goes back to normal)  are just reaffirmation-- but, I don't think he'd take me seriously. I think he needs to talk to someone else about it who can figure out how he really feels.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I don't know whether to just leave it-- I mean, what's the point of being in a relationship if you know it's not going to go anywhere?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#He says it might change, and he says he wants it to, and he thinks he's starting to fall in love again, but he won't say anything and only brings it up when I start thinking that I might have to just leave.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#What do you think-- should I even bother? Is he just leading me on?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#if you "love" someone, then you love them.....i don't by that "i fell out of love with so & so" line......that's juts me though.....#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#tell him to sh*t of get off the pot. or you can do that same...make up your mind...why do you keep getting back togther with him? are you hoping that he'll tell you what you want to hear & it'll be peachy again??#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#do you even love him anymore? i agree- there isn't much point to a relationship if one (or both!) of you are not in love with each other.....#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#sounds like he's just afraid to actually put an end to the relationship#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Love isn't something that turns on and off like a switch.  I'm guessing that what your BF is feeling with you is "comfort" rather than "love".  A year is a long time to be with someone, and change is hard.  He doesn't really want to *be* with you anymore but it's the only life he's known for the past year...it's routine, and trying to break the routine can be difficult.  Being alone, when you've been with someone, is really difficult for a lot of people too.  Many people can't be comfortable just being by themselves.  Maybe he's going through some of that too??#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It's true that you DO get to the point in your relationship where it's not "new and exciting" anymore.  Life's routines take over and you just sort of co-habitate.  But you're still there for each other, sharing each other's lives, even when it's boring and mundane.  That's what love is all about.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#As far as what you should do, I wouldn't let him continue calling the shots.  It's not fair to you, to be left hanging..."does he love me today, will he love me tomorrow??".  If he wants "new and exciting" then maybe it's time for him to move onto someone else.  But you need to take care of yourself first and you need to be with someone who wants to be with you ALL the time, not just sometimes.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#    #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Positively4thStreet]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#why do you keep getting back togther with him? are you hoping that he'll tell you what you want to hear & it'll be peachy again??#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#do you even love him anymore? i agree- there isn't much point to a relationship if one (or both!) of you are not in love with each other.....#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#sounds like he's just afraid to actually put an end to the relationship#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#I keep getting back together with him because I guess I'm trying to fool myself into believing there may be a chance. I do still love him, which makes all of this even harder. He can't seem to figure himself out, but he doesn't want to put any effort into trying, either. #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#Why would he be afraid to put an end to it? If he doesn't feel the same way, why should he have a problem with ending it? I know that if he really, truly believed there was no chance, he'd let it end-- he's just that kind of guy. Unless he has some other reason to stay in the relationship, and there really isn't one. So I'm really unsure as to what to think. I need to make a final decision to stay or go, and he keeps telling me that there could be a chance, now that he's getting these "moments", but I don't know whether to believe him or not because he only said it after I threatened to leave him again.#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#In my opinion you're being way too nice about him trying to make up his mind. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Very short and sweet---there are many fish in the sea, and I can *guarantee* you that there is someone wonderful who will love you every bit as much back. You don't have to always have someone who isn't sure of his love for you. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Oh, puh-leeze!!  He's having "moments"??  Give me a break.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Re-read what I wrote.  People stay in relationships for LOTS of reasons: they're comfortable, they don't like change, they don't want to be alone.  How many unhappy marriages are there out there, where one or the other spouse stays when they don't really want to??  Granted, a lot of the time this can be because of kids, but not always.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Like I said earlier, you don't just turn love on and off like a switch.  You don't have "moments" where you love the person one day but not the next.  It just doesn't work that way.  He could be innocently leading you on, but the fact remains that he's leading you on (regardless of how innocent his intentions might be) and that's just not fair to you!  Tell him that he needs to make a decision...either he loves you or he doesn't.  And don't wait around for him and keep taking him back, over and over.  You deserve better than that.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#One thing I told my current bf when we first started going out was that I dont do the break up get back together deal. I told him that if he has an issue or concern then we are going to talk about it. I seriously WILL NOT put up with bull like breaking up a million times. It just is not fair to anyone, it is basically giving up and waiting for the problem to subside without actually fixing the troblem... which eventually turns worse. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Like BT said, sh*t or get off the pot buddy. Your taking too much from this guy and he sounds like hes acting like a highschool student about it. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#stop making excuses for him.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#tell him to make up his mind one way or the other, or you'll do it for him. don't let people walk all over you & accept their lame apologies & excuses. be known as the b!tch - you get less flak that way. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[zooka]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#hmmm it is not sounding like a very healthy relationship at the moment....  Why don't you both agree that for say a month you guys are not together and give each other total space even both of you date other people.  Then after a month you can talk about it and see where both of you stand?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Positively4thStreet]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well, conveniently enough, shortly after I posted he came online. I told him he needs to figure himself out. I didn't give him an "or else" ultimatum or anything, because I don't want him to feel like he has to say it. But once he gets back to me I'll make a decision.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You guys are saying what I've kind of known all along, and just needed on objective view on. I really appreciate it, I haven't really had anyone to talk to about it (as he was pretty much the only one I ever really talked to about anything serious).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm just having a really hard time letting go.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#And its really really hard to let go, but it doesn't do you any good to get hurt as well. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[cadence]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My SO of nearly a year recently told me he didn't love me anymore. We tried breaking up, but ran into each other the next day, and he told me he'd made a mistake and wanted to get back together-- but he still didn't feel the same way.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Now he's been saying he's been getting these "moments" where he thinks he's in love with me again, but he doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to lead me on, just in case it goes away again.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#He says it feels different, because the relationship's not "new and exciting" anymore. Either he just doesn't realize that relationships have a honeymoon phase, and then change, or he just wants his cake and eat it too. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#He says it might change, and he says he wants it to, and he thinks he's starting to fall in love again, but he won't say anything and only brings it up when I start thinking that I might have to just leave.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#What do you think-- should I even bother? Is he just leading me on?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well, here's my opinion......  Get yourself away from this man.  He is manipulating you.  He's using you as a crutch until he finds something better.  You're comfortable to him.  I think you deserve better, I think you are owed far more respect than you are getting and I think you need to respect #ed_op#U#ed_cl#yourself#ed_op#/U#ed_cl# more and trust your instincts... you already know something's fishy or you wouldn't have posted the question here.  Learn to trust your instincts.  In my opinion, walk away.  Everyone I know who has been in a relationship such as what you have described here has ended up miserable and stuck.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#A man who really loves you knows it without a doubt that he cannot stand to be apart from you and he wants to be not only your best friend but also your lover.  He isn't afraid to tell you he's in love with you and knows that he not only is IN LOVE with you but also LOVES you... there is a difference and you want both from him and from yourself.  LOVE is a friend, IN LOVE is a lover.  My husband and I have been married 10 years.  He goes away to work in the oil fields each winter and he still calls me a minimum of 4x a week just to talk, just to hear my voice and ask how things are going.  Those conversations can last for up to an hour or longer. He always ends it with "honey, I love you".  A man who loves you wants to do things with you, be places with you, wants to talk to you, wants to share things with you, is not standoffish one day and clingy the next - he is consistently loving, kind, gentle, friendly and affectionate.  That's a man in love.  This is what a healthy relationship is.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[cadence]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#PS:  A new relationship has an extra zing and tingle, but an evolved relationship has its plain days but there is still that sparkle inside where your face shows your joy at seeing your man and his face changes when he catches sight of you too and he's not afraid to be that way in front of his buddies or in public, you're always a welcome sight for sore eyes at the end of a long day.  When we're in a crowd and he catches my eye across the room, I always get a little nod from him and a twinkle in his eye and the corners of his mouth turn up just a twitch. That's his silent "hey, my wife and best friend, lookin' good."#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I would hope that a man who is mature enough for you to consider being "the one" is mature enough to know that the fireworks might settle down after a year or so, but inner sparkle and love changes to more deeper things as your relationship evolves together and you develop a closeness that only time, trials and tribulations, and memory-making events can produce. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Brianna]

#ed_op#P#ed_cl#he keeps telling me that there could be a chance, now that he's getting these "moments"

#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl# #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#When I first started feeling something wasn't right with Mike in September, he was supposed to call me back after talking to his brother for a while. I decided I was going to bed rather than wait around for him - so I sent him a text message, saying, among other things, that I was getting mixed messages from him and his response was, I'm sorry, I'm having a moment. First of all, what IS that?!! #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#His "moment" lasted for 3 wks, and with each day that passed, he continued to push me away a little more. He wouldn't tell me what the problem was...and, under the understanding that he "likes to solve problems on his own," I tried to give him some space, since he had assured me that the "moment" wasn't being directly or indirectly caused by me. I believed him, probably only because I wanted to. And then, when I finally asked him "what now?" -- well, you guys know the rest of the story. I know now, that his "having a moment" was a cop-out. It wasn't his first "moment" during our relationship. Each one was a way of him avoiding me while he decided if he still wanted to be with me. When he came back and was acting normal, it was him being selfish and not wanting to give me up. Now, he says that he had suspected how I was feeling about him and that he didn't think he could give me what I needed or deserved in return. I wish that he had made the discovery sooner, or had accepted it sooner - because it would have hurt much less than it did, and still does.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#IMO, (and obviously you don't have to listen, I certainly ignored some of you guys a few weeks ago!!) if your SO loves you, then he wouldn't be doing this to you. He is playing games and leading you on, and as someone else mentioned, it is probably him being afraid to let go. I know how hard it was to let go after 6 months, I can't imagine how hard it is after a year. But, hon, let go, for yourself...for your sanity. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl#

[Leena]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well I would second Cadence's excellent comment on this matter. Then I would suggest you to read Scott Peck excellent book #ed_op#EM#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl#'The road less travelled'#ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# and his comment regarding love as an involvement. My life took another way when I read it.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#We do have to distinguish sexual attraction and involvement and this is not easy. Also the line in between hate and love is not clear either. You may have a constructive relationship where each of you grow together or a destructive relationship where guilt stands a great place.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#There is a lot of people who fall in love with love until they discover their partner and then all their attraction fade away. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Finally, don't you think you have a value as a person ? I think you have a great value, being generous enough to give him the room to go back and forth as he will act with his mother. Are you a chesterfield or a valuable woman who wants to get involve in a relationship ?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I really hope my comment will help you to make up your mind #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Leena#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Kobau]

I won't repeat what others have said. But like Bri, i didn't listen to
my gut, or ppl on the outside and this board that gave me advice.... i
stayed in a relationship for about 1 yr to long... yeah we are friends,
but in reality that is all we ever should have been...  He
realised he didn't love me a long time back, but didn't have the spine
to tell me then.. he pushed away and i didn't see red flags flying...
Now we've split and hindsight is wonderful.#ed_op#br#ed_cl#
#ed_op#br#ed_cl#
Like ppl told me.. value yourself, you are worth to much to let someone walk all over you.....#ed_op#br#ed_cl#

[dazzling]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My SO of nearly a year recently told me he didn't love me anymore. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#<snip>#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#... only brings it up when I start thinking that I might have to just leave.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#What do you think-- should I even bother? Is he just leading me on?

#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Yes, he's leading you on.  When someone only wants you when you're thinking of leaving, that is just out and out SELFISH.  Walk out that door and keep on going.  There is a deserving guy out there...it's not this one!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I understand how you're feeling- I was in a similar situation- but it was different in the fact ath once my bf "felt" he didn't love me, we broke up. We didn't get back together until he was sure of his feelings.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think you should ATLEAST do this- break up. Take some time apart- and I don't mean a couple days- but like weeks, even a couple months. Give yourself and him some time to think- if he comes back a couple months later saying he loves you, then you can take it from there.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I can understand how you say you think he does love you, but has lost the spark- that's what happened with my bf- he mistook the loss of butterflies as falling out of love with me (although he did tell me that he still loved me as a friend)- after we were apart and he got to know a girl he thought he now liked he realized the difference. Now, I can see how this can happen in your case, except your SO seems to "wishy-washy". I don't agree with the "I'm having a moment" thing- that is crap. I also think that he shouldn't be so back and forth about being in love with you- either he loves you or he doesn't! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#But I think you should take some time apart either way. It will be hard for you- definitely. You will grieve the full break-up, but, if you do get back together, then it'll be worth it, and if not, you'll be that much closer to getting over him.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I also agree that you deserve someone who respects you and treats you right- right now, whether intentionally or not, he is jerking you around- you deserve better than that. Don't let him make the decision as to what happens to you- you must do it.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Positively4thStreet]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I understand how you're feeling- I was in a similar situation- but it was different in the fact that once my bf "felt" he didn't love me, we broke up. We didn't get back together until he was sure of his feelings.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think you should ATLEAST do this- break up. Take some time apart- and I don't mean a couple days- but like weeks, even a couple months. Give yourself and him some time to think- if he comes back a couple months later saying he loves you, then you can take it from there.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I can understand how you say you think he does love you, but has lost the spark- that's what happened with my bf- he mistook the loss of butterflies as falling out of love with me (although he did tell me that he still loved me as a friend)- after we were apart and he got to know a girl he thought he now liked he realized the difference. Now, I can see how this can happen in your case, except your SO seems to "wishy-washy". I don't agree with the "I'm having a moment" thing- that is crap. I also think that he shouldn't be so back and forth about being in love with you- either he loves you or he doesn't! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#I think that's what he's doing-- he lost the initial new-love feeling, and it mellowed out into the long-term-relationship-love feeling. I think people are misunderstanding the "moment" thing-- he says, occasionally he gets the spark to remind him why he was in love with me in the first place, but he doesn't take it as reaffirmation or anything. He's not entirely sure of his feelings and yeah, we probably do need a break. It's just really hard to do that because I've never fit with anyone so well-- I'm incredibly hard to get along with, and there's not a thing he does that annoys me or pisses me off (other than this..). And it's not just the whole "blinded by love" thing, there's something I can't stand about everybody, but for some reason he's different. And it's just really hard for me to get my head around losing somebody who fits with me so well, and I'm afraid I won't find that again.#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[BarnBratCSA]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Oh boy...talk about a case of deja vu....  I went thru/am going thru something very similar with my ex of 5 YEARS.  We'd been together since I was 16, and even now I dont doubt that I love him and he loves me... we broke up once before because he needed "space", and like a fool I took him back.  A year and a half later, he needed "space" again...this time citing ME as the problem... that I worked too much, he didnt think i was pitching in on cleaning the horse, I spent too much time with my horses.... bottom line, everything he said was a problem was petty bullsh*t that we could've worked out... it was an #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#excuse#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# for him to gain freedom.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#THe point I'm trying to make is that what he says and what he means are often two different things....take it from someone who's been there, twice. #ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#U#ed_cl#LEAVE HIM.#ed_op#/U#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl#   I have to tell you that I am happier now, away from my ex, than I have been in YEARS.  He, on the other hand, realizes what a mistake he made and is kicking himself and asking me to come back. But no luck this time.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My best advice to you is to leave him, and spend some serious QT with #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#yourself#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# - figure out what is most important to you and what you want from life.  This guy is playing games and being selfish, only looking out for himself.  You dont deserve that! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#If you ever need a shoulder, I'd be glad to help you thru.  OH! One thing that really helped me out - when the ex and I split, I was pretty upset....5 years is a long time, and I love him.  So to help me thru the hard times, when I wanted to pick up the phone and call him, I had what my friend and I referred to as a "break up buddy" - she was going thru the same thing with her ex, so whenever either of us felt down or wanted to pick up the phone to call the guys, we'd call eachother instead.  Having someone there to go thru it with me REALLY helped.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It sounds like you already know what you have to do, so best of luck! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#EM#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#a040ff#ed_cl#"Advice is something we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didnt"#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/EM#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#EM#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#a040ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#