Being Single

[Chisholm]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#As my 40th birthday draws very close I wonder why it is I am still single!  All the guys I ever meet I end up being super friends with but never one that wants to get married, we don't even get to the point of going out on dates.  But all my closest friends seem to be guys.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Now I don't go to bars, and won't ever go to bars.  That's not the place to meet guys.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I like being single, I like my independence but there are times where I really want to share my life with that someone special.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Who else on here is older and single?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[lola s]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#0000ff#ed_cl#I'm not exactly `older', but I'm at the age where people think I should be married by now.  Its just never really appealed to me.  I like my own space and I don't want a permanent roommate.  So, most of my relationships tank, because I'm unwilling to move things to the next level.  Maybe I'd feel different if I met somebody amazing, but for now I'm pretty good with the way things are.  Or, I'm going to have to wait until I win a lottery so we can afford to have separate residences on the same property or something .  I think the major thing with me is that I'm not really looking.  I still wear a ring on my left hand, because I hate being bothered when I'm out.  I don't really like where I live and I don't want to settle here permanently.  So, I'll stay single for now.  I have no problem with that at all. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Ruth]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well, I'm not single, but there are days I sure wish I was!#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Teasing/19.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I guess the grass is quite often greener on the other side, but independence does have a lot to be said for it. However sometimes it is nice to have someone there to share with too. I always said the best situation would be to own a duplex, get married or not, but one person live in one apt. and the other person in the other apt. That way you get the best of both worlds! Even if you have kids it still works.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My parents got divorced after 21 years of marriage, and there is no way my mum would want another man. She's gotten pretty attached to doing her own thing. My dad has an on again off again GF, but he doesn't want to live with anyone again either. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I enjoy and need my own space and my SO had a tough time getting used to that. Now that he is, life is more peaceful.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I met the greatest love of my life in a bar. My sister already knew him, though. She met the guy we all thought she would marry in a bar too, but he was introduced to her through someone's friend, so while they might not be the very best place to meet someone, I wouldn't entirely write them off either. Myself, I haven't been in a bar for so long I wouldn't know where to begin. One of the guys I work with who is recently divorced has met a lot of women on-line, but I will warn you, he has met some strange ones! He is always happy to give us the gory details. He has met some nice women too, one has horses and even though they aren't dating anymore have become good friends.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm not sure if I was suddenly single how I would go about meeting men, or if I would even bother. I have a serious lust for one of my bosses, and he is certainly a flirtatious fellow, and we have been told to take it into the office once or twice, but  I've been able to keep a lid on that thus far (never more than flirt) and I have worked for him for 5 years now, but it's certainly a lot easier now that I only work there 3 hours a week instead of 20! It was funny, the first thought that went through my head when I went in for the interview was "How am I going to be able to work for this guy!", it was one of those instantaneous attractions, thunderbolt like. However, I have managed, there is too much to lose and too many people would be hurt. But if I was single that might be a starting point.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#For me it probably wouldn't be too hard to meet someone if I wanted because I work in retail, I meet lots of people.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You have a lovely horse, what else is necessary?#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Teasing/4.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Eileen]

#ed_op#TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off"#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#I am too stuck with my own way of doing things, My mother says that I was an independant child from the get go....there was no hope for me I guess.  I have been on both sides of the fence but believe me...I prefer the single life.  If I want company then I can have company, If I want to be solo...then that is also doable.  #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#I have seen too many of my friends have bad relationships and messy divorces, and then remarry for what...the same damned thing.  It is not worth it.  In my opinion most men make better friends than they do lovers....Almost all of my past B/F have remained as good trusted friends but would I want to live with them day in and day out.....NO....JMHO.  #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#I dont know where the best place would be to meet Mr. Wonderful...#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV id=hotbar_promo#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#/TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#/TABLE#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#The best thing I can say is just to get out there, but don't worry about it. That's sort of the catch- I'm sure you'll find you'll meet Mr. Right without even looking for him. But, at the same time, if you just spend your time alone, well, there's no possible chance you can meet anyone.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Just be yourself and get out doing the things you love, where you naturally interact with people, and I"m sure you'll find someone. Perhaps get involved with some horse groups, or go to a co-ed gym (don't know if you do or not). #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Also, look at how you act around new people. Are you very withdrawn and acting uninterested? Or do you actually make a point of saying hi to those around you. Maybe just start doing that- get more social to the people you meet on a regular basis, even if they aren't dateable (or even women!) you will seem to be a more open person and are more likely to make connections that way- also SMILE lots.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Piaffing]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You never know how or when you will meet someone. I met my guy at his yard sale. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Eileen]

#ed_op#TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off"#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Yep, one never knows when they may beet Mr Right....probably when and where you least expet it.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV id=hotbar_promo#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#/TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#/TABLE#ed_cl#

[cadence]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well, Chisholm, you strike me as quite an outgoing and social person. I think it is quite common for women our ages to not just fall for any old guy and it has to be someone special before we blow up our socks over it.    Who wants someone who's clingy or gets his ego in a knot because you want to do something by yourself? #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm married and have been for 10 years.... but I swear sometimes why we're still together is because he spends so much time away on the oil fields......... so we have to spend a lot of time communicating on the phone and it kinda feels like we're dating still.  LOL  No, seriously, I love it when he's here for weeks at a time 24/7 cuz I get a stockpile of affection, hugs 'n cuddles, but then I also like it when he's gone for weeks at a time.  I guess, it is a happy medium because I am truly very independent and there certainly are not very men who can cope with a very strong-willed, feisty, red-headed independent woman!  Even still, there are days when he is here and he shakes his head cuz I'm walking around the farm with a hammer sticking out of one pocket, a screw driver in my shirt secured in place neatly by the underwire in my bra (hehe!), a bunch of nails and screws stuffed into another pocket... and sometimes finds me using the Skilsaw cuz a fence needed fixing and he wasn't around at that moment to do it!  Sometimes it scares him and he says, "what would happen if you got hurt!".. to which I shoot back "and what would happen if YOU got hurt? It's your paycheque that feeds these horses!"... and he knows I'm right so he doesn't say much to it any more.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chisholm, keep waiting.  You got to find a man who can accept your independence and love it..... and you  for all that independence.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#What about the internet? #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I've met lots of friends and people off the internet. Its not the big bad scary thing it used to be. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Oldnag]

Older and sort of single here.

However, I did do the marriage thing and raised 4 children. I've been on my own now for almost 14 yrs. and with each passing year the idea of (re)marriage or a committed relationship makes me sweat. I've become so settled in my little independent life and doing things my own way. Besides, I failed "sharing" back in kindergarten. I know I'm not easy to live with.

The guy I see is great but no wedding bells. We just have a great time together. Since my farm and horses are a huge part of my lifestyle I would need someone totally accepting of that and involved before I would marry. Being able to fix fences, barns, and having tractors and trucks would be helpful too.

I would continue to cultivate your friendships - both male and female. It can be just as special to share life with your friends.
Although I think Mr. Right can be found anywhere I do think that through friends is one of the best ways - Whether its friends of close friends, work friends, through your church and other community activities.

Just enjoy life and your independence. For mature men this is very attractive. Whatever you do, don't start worrying about it so much or settling for someone who is not worthy.

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chisholm, I can understand how the thought of being alone as you get older can be kinda scary.  I'm married too, but like some of the others, there are days when I wish that the spouse would just Move Away and leave me alone LOL!!  So, yeah, when you're single, you want to have a partner, and often, when you have a partner, you long for your independence.  I have often thought of divorce, as there are times when I *know* I would be much  happier by myself...but there are definite perks to being married too, so I've never gone through with it...and deep down, I know that I'd really miss him if I didn't have him anymore (I *do* love him). #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Anyway, like the others said, if you really do want a partner (and really decide if this is what you truly want, as it's not always what it's cracked up to be) then you'll need to get yourself "out there" so to speak.  I wouldn't do the bar scene either but maybe getting involved in something horse-related would work?  Such as a club or organization of some sort (your local CADORA?).  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Or better yet, switch to western!  There are LOTS more guys in western barns than in english ones, and they are typically down-to-earth, fun-loving guys.  There are a couple guys at my barn who I would pursue were I not already married, and there are western shows in the summer that have lots of men at them...often men who have money are are into horses as well!!  So there ya go LOL!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Oh, and for what it's worth, I met my husband at the 7-11 #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//grin.gif"#ed_cl#  You can meet Mr Right just about anywhere!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[MacnRio]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#OK, how DO you strike up a conversation and turn it into a date in a variety store? LOL  I'm not good with small talk...... I suck at meeting people! lol#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm another one who is, well, not getting to 40, but my younger brother and cousin are now married...  Like the other single women above, I am very independent and don't put up with much crap from people and just haven't found someone who can live with that I guess... I've gotten used to doing everything MY way.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chis, I'm like you...... Love my independence, but every now and then wish there was someone in my life.  But it passes and on I go, to do my thing..#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chin up, you're not alone!!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#OK, how DO you strike up a conversation and turn it into a date in a variety store? LOL 

#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You really wanna know?  Okay...#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#This was back in the day (yes, I'm a hundred) when VCRs had just come out and you could rent them from variety stores.  My family didn't have one yet.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My parents had gone away for the weekend and I had a friend staying over.  We were driving around on a Saturday night and decided to go rent a VCR and a movie.  Stopped in at this 7-11 and the guy behind the counter (my future spouse) gave us SUCH a hard time about renting this VCR...asked for all kinds of ID and was kind of a jerk.  Anyway, my friend and I got home, could NOT figure out how to hook up the VCR so I phoned the store.  Future spouse said that he was soon to get off work, and he and a buddy would come over and hook up the VCR for us.  They did, and stayed with us to watch the movie.  I was actually more attracted to the "buddy" than I was to my hubby.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#He phoned me the next day and we talked on the phone for a couple hours.  We just really "clicked".  But he was still a jerk LOL!!  We dated off and on for a few years after that, until finally one day, after we had been broken up for about 6 months, he phoned me up out of the blue and we got back together.  We sorta decided at that point that we didn't want to break up anymore, so we got engaged.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#And the rest, as they say, is history... #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//grin.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#So, yeah, kinda unorthodox but I guess it was meant to be!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[MacnRio]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Cool! OK, so I can sorta see that if he was working there.... I thought you meant you were both customers (not that I asked.... I just assumed, and we all know what happens when we assume! lol).  But still, that is VERY cool!  Goes to show you can meet people in the strangest places!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[draftdriver]

Sorry, Chis; I'm single, and too set in my ways to think I'll ever be otherwise. So no advice from me, other than to be yourself. If the perfect match is meant to be, it will happen.

[rubberman]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chis no advice from me either since I have been married way too long not that I would have it any other way.  Just wanted to say that when you meet the right guy you will know but do not take your independence too lightly because it is nice to come and go as you please.  Enjoy yourself and your lifestyle and do not worry about being single, mariage often requires more than a little adjustment and compromise and quite often it does not work out anyway (ie. is sometimes more trouble then it is worth). #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[RioG]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Good stuff!!  It's been a while since there was a good "relationship" thread around here. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I am decidedly un-single, in fact am in the most committed, permanent relationship I ever have been in.  And you know why I know it's a forever one?  Because there are some days that I wonder if I wouldn't be better off alone.  Strange, but true.  I am so much myself in this relationship that I actually don't want to have to share and be flexible at times.  Compared to past relationships where I was so "lost" (meaning I lost myself... I was constantly afraid of being dumped or him losing interest) this one is just right.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Think of the perks of being single Chis... just this past weekend my coach and I were talking about travelling to France to train for two weeks with an Olympic rider... Only $3500!!  Of course my brain went into overdrive and I started devising ways of finding the money.  I went home all excited to tell my SO and was told to file it away... far, far away in the back of my mind.  We have better uses for that kind of money.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#First thought through my head was how easy it would be to pick up and go were I single.  Of course I am not interested in severing the ties, but there definitely are perks.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#As an interesting aside, though, if I think about it I actually know a lot of women who are on the far side of thirty and still single-never-been-married.  I think this says a lot about how far women have come and how independent we have gotten.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Emerald]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Chis, I am in the older catagory. and Single again, #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I enjoy the company of men, and women, but think it is nice to have a male friend. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Someone I have know for a while did a HUGE favor for me, and although I had always liked him I now find I have a special place in my heart for him. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#What I am saying is , perhaps it could be someone you already know. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Eileen]

#ed_op#TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off"#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV id=hotbar_promo#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#/TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#/TABLE#ed_cl##ed_op#BLOCKQUOTE id=6fed7df6#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm another one who is, well, not getting to 40, but my younger brother and cousin are now married... #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I just could not pass this one up...Mac....so you have given yet another family secret away...how to meet your future spouse at the annual family picnic...and your brother marries your cousin ....ROTFLMAO  hahaha#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#JK....sorry....you know me and my sick humour.....lol#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/BLOCKQUOTE#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#eileen - you're soooo bad!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#like most of you who aren't single - there are definately days that i wish i was...somedays i just shake my head & say why do i bother........i know the answer - i love him (ok, most of the time).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#we met at work...yes, at work. i had to "train" hubby - fun....if only it was so easy - he won't let me train him now! we both like our independance, within the rekationship....it's very give & take (although i think i usally give & he usally takes....this is why i go riding! a few hours all to myself doing what i want!).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#chis - i woudn't worry about it...if i could do it over again - i'd never have bothered with guys at all....lol - too much trouble & they interfere with everything!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#