Family Stress

[Sodapoppers]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#Little bit of a rant...sorry...#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#My mom and aunt (her sister) have been fighting lately. It is all because they play on a volleyball circuit together. Part of it is that they have to pick their own teams, and each is a co-captain of their team. My aunt has a good friend who also plays...and she was not picked on any team this year. She tried to get my mom to pick her, tried to get her own co-captain to pick her...but i guess she sucks because no one wants her on their team. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#So what it's come down to, in the short version, is that my aunt's friend is #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#furious#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# with my mom, and my aunt is too. They have both put her in a position saying that they will not go to her New Year's Eve party if the other is there. It came to a head tonight when my mom spoke to her (now i DON'T know 100% what was said; i wasn't there, right) but apparently my aunt told her she is not welcome in her house anymore, and if her friend sees her again she will have words AND fists for her  :-/  So my mom cornered me tonight when I went over there for a visit and told me to PICK - TO CHOOSE - who I am going to have Christmas and New Years with. My natural response is, "its' between  you guys, leave me out of it. I will go to both homes." and apparently that's not good enough. My mom told me if i even go to my aunt's i will not be welcome back at my mom's for Christmas - WTF!! As if i don't have enough on my plate...So ya i told her who punitive and petty she is being, not liking being put in a compromising position, but then quite consciously putting her own kids into that position. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#All this over a stupid volleyball game ...#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#Anyway...that's my rant...thanks for listening. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[lola s]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#0000ff#ed_cl#These are adults fighting over a volleyball game?  How is this your problem.  I totally sympathize with you.  Maybe just lay low until they all cool down.  I suppose it wouldn't help to point out to them that they do this sport for `fun'.  #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#0000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#0000ff#ed_cl#Its reasons like this that I loathe the holidays so much.  I feel my seasonal black depression creeping in early this year. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Cheryl]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Have a buffet at your place & invite them all.  Remind them this IS Christmas afterall and you just don't care about their childish antics.  When one of them says if the other is there then they won't come, tell them you are very sorry that they have made that decision but your decision is all is welcome.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Cheryl]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Have a buffet at your place & invite them all.  Remind them this IS Christmas afterall and you just don't care about their childish antics.  When one of them says if the other is there then they won't come, tell them you are very sorry that they have made that decision but your decision is all is welcome.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Megan Ball]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I was going to say the same thing as Cheryl. Have your own party! Not fair of either of them to drag you into THEIR fight. Good luck!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Do your own thing. If your mom or aunt is not grown up enough to know better than putting you in the middle, that is their loss, and NOT yours. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Oh, brother!  HOW old are these women??  They're acting like children, and they should NOT be putting you in the middle, Soda.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think I'd be telling them BOTH that you will not allow either of them to force you into "picking sides"...AND that you'll be spending Christmas alone unless they can work out their petty differences and start acting like ADULTS!!  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Sheesh! #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Angry/5.gif"#ed_cl#  I am so angry for you!  You don't deserve this, from your *mother* no less.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#We pick our friends but we can't pick our family...  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#oh the insanity!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#SP - don't bother with either of them until they are acting like adults...have your own christmas & New Years thing...invite them, if they show up good, if not oh well......you shouldn't have to stress over things like this. holidays are mean to be fun, not a time to "pick sides" - geesh - how high school is that!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[jax]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I agree with chenders here - how old are these women that they are playing you off each other and threatening each other with fist fights?  The way I see it you have two choices - one is to give her the cold stare of shame and then a big see ya.  You don't want me at my aunt's place? Fine, but I'm not coming to yours either because you're not going to play me.  Sort it out amongst yourselves and then get back to me - in the meantime, I'll leave you to it and hopefully you'll choose to grow up.  Sorry to speak like this against someone's mother, but...geeze! #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Shocked/6.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Second would be to sit them both down together and mediate, but this of course depends on your skills as a peacemaker.  Still won't erase the fact that they treated you the way they did, but maybe someone could be made to see sense.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Is your aunt this mad at her own co-captain that didn't pick this "friend", or is this special kind of reaction reserved for immediate family?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[draftdriver]

Ditto Jax's first suggestion. Why don't you and your BF plan a wonderful, luxurious Christmas/New Years time together. Candles. Wine. Soft music. Make the time your own, and very special.

[Eileen]

#ed_op#TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off"#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#It might be a good idea to have a little chat with Dad and your siblings to see what their stand is on this issue....and then to carry it further...call any cousins that my be involved with this same "volley Ball" stand off.   It is like most said...a childish argument that has mushroomed on to the rest of the family.  #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#As Dr Phil would say....it is not a fight about volley ball...there is something bigger that is the real cause of this "argument":  If Mom and her sis, want to be enemies...fine let them be enemies...and the rest of the cousins and kids and spouses go on like everything is hunky dorey....then maybe mom and sis will be able to see the situation in  the same light as the rest of the world...#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV id=hotbar_promo#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#/TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#/TABLE#ed_cl#

[Emerald]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#All over a Volleyball game, #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Sad/4.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Very Sad,#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My 2 brothers are not speaking to each other, It has been  a couple of years. I tried, I pleaded, I cried. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#One has tried to mend the barrier, but it still remains.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I love them both.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I hope your situation is eventually resolved. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It is not fair to you, if anything they should allow you the independence to be apart of each family. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[PerfectAngel]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#LOL...I knew someone would pull the "Dr. Phil" card!!! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Honestly tho, that really sux SP...but like others have said, it's their fight not yours and you shouldn't have to choose. If they make you choose, then personally I'd tell them both to go jump in a lake...#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Sodapoppers]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#I havn't talked to my aunt yet...so really it's just my mom pulling the 'choose your family' card. My mom can be a little wacko, as some of you may know...#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#The reason my aunt is so angry Jax is because the girl who co-captains with my mom spoke to my mom and my mom told her FINE, put the girl on our team if thats what you need to do. So the co captain called the girl and said sure, you can be on our team. Then when she showed up at the next game, my mom had a fit and said no she dson't want her there #ed_op#IMG src="/richedit/smileys/confused.gif"#ed_cl# That is the story from my aunt...second hand from her is probably more accurate than whatever my mom wants to tell me (ya, she tends to grossly exadgerate and fabricate...)#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#Maybe I will just have Christmas alone my bf....never thought of that. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#SP - maybe you & "roberto" (lol - i know you remember that....right?) need a nice quiet holiday time...cuddle up with dizzy & some wine or something, have a quiet Christmas/New Years......it's nicer than having to deal with the squabbling ejits#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I got in a huge argument with my mom this morning, because after inviting them for Christmas dinner in our new house, they have decided they want it at their house. We have my dad coming, and Mr.GS's brother from back home, so I said we wouldn't come..it erupted into me being 'the most selfish and inconsiderate person on the earth'. Thats when I calmly said she can call me if she wants to apologize, otherwise, have a nice Christmas dinner. We've spent so much money and time on our house, I want to enjoy it. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#]#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Okay, I think it's time for me to start my yearly mantra:#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#"I HATE CHRISTMAS"#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I wish it would just Go Away#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Angry/3.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I love Christmas..I love my family, but this will be the best Christmas yet. Very very quiet and with no travelling and just snuggled all up in my pjs with my most favoritest (new word) person in my fleece jammies and my puppy curled up on the bed. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Ruth]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You guys are really making me appreciate my family! We may be odd, and we have our skeletons, but no-one would behave like that.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Soda, what about spending Christmas with your BF's family instead? Or by yourselves as others have suggested.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Eileen]

#ed_op#TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off"#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#I always hated December when I stayed here for most of the winter...it was not because of my family, rather all the other parties, get to gethers. that and that, come here, got there...I hated the tight schedules and try to pleas everyone that was having a part....not any of that in Florida and I like it that way....lol  #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#I do miss the Family meal that we had on Christmas day, but we do have a beautiful meal in Florida where most of the neighbors are transplants from other parts of N. America...#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#The modern social life has sort of made it a stressful time of year rather than the comfy cozy time that it is supposed to be#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl# #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV id=hotbar_promo#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#/TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#/TABLE#ed_cl#