Airline humor

[stronghold]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif"#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#ff0000#ed_cl#I love this one!  Just got it from a friend again and it always makes me laugh!#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#BR#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#000000#ed_cl#After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a  form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#000000#ed_cl# #ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#000000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#Here are some actual complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) & the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.#ed_op#BR#ed_cl##ed_op#BR#ed_cl#By the way, Qantas is apparently the only major airline that has never had an accident.   Enjoy!#ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#000000#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#000000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.#ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#000000#ed_cl#- P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#000000#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#000000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Something loose in cockpit.   #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Something tightened in cockpit. #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#000000#ed_cl#- P: Dead bugs on windshield.  #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Live bugs on back-order. #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.   #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.   #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Evidence removed. #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: DME volume unbelievably loud.   #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: DME volume set to more believable level.   #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: That's what they're for.   #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: IFF inoperative. #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.  #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Suspected crack in windshield.  #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Suspect you're right.   #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Number 3 engine missing. #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.   #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Aircraft handles funny. #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.   #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Target radar hums.   #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#- P: Mouse in cockpit.  #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Cat installed.   #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif" color=#ff0000 size=3#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#-#ed_op#EM#ed_cl##ed_op#I#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif"#ed_cl##ed_op#SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: 'MS Sans Serif'"#ed_cl#And the best one for last..................#ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/I#ed_cl##ed_op#/EM#ed_cl#   #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a  hammer.  #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Took hammer away from midget#ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/o:p#ed_cl##ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Eileen]

#ed_op#TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off"#ed_cl#Those are good Mrs S....with all the sadness and stress on the tv and radio today and every other day it is no nice to find a chuckle now and then...thank you.#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"#ed_cl##ed_op#TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on"#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV id=hotbar_promo#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/TD#ed_cl##ed_op#/TR#ed_cl##ed_op#/TBODY#ed_cl##ed_op#/TABLE#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I've seen that before..very funny! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[~*Pony Luver*~]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#LOL!!! those are so good ive never seen them before!!!!lol#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[zooka]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#lol I saw that before but still get a chuckle#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Chisholm]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I've seen similar ones to that before, thanks for the needed chuckles.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[lifeafterracing]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I needed that chuckle tonight, stronghold.  Thanks.  I've seen them before, but they don't get any less funny the second time around.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My favorite one is the #ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif"#ed_cl# P: Aircraft handles funny. #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#  S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face="MS Sans Serif"#ed_cl#Hahaha!! #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[PerfectAngel]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Tee Hee!! that's great!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[MacnRio]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#hee hee, those are good!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[BarnBratCSA]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Very funny!    I liked  P: Mouse in cockpit    S: Cat installed    heheh! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#