so, I'm bummed

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so, I'm bummed

Postby cadence » Thu May 26, 2005 12:06 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well, I'm like a lot of people, I carry around some extra pounds which I have been trying very, very hard to lose - I watch what I eat, lots of veggies and salads, do exercises, walk where I can, etc.  Found out my thyroid was super low and so got started on pills for that.  I utilize green tea and cayenne pepper even!  (stimulates the metabolism).  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#So, we have a quadrille dressage team at our barn and they are short 1 rider for a second team. I asked to join and I was turned down by the coach. The second team is just simple walk, trot, canter and some basic circles, leg yield and curves.  Well, my horse is schooling at level 3 dressage and he is very well mannered with other horses, etc. Plus, we used to be in an 8-horse quadrille and jumping quadrille team when we lived in Calgary, so we both know how this works.  So, to myself, I was wondering what was the scoop.  The other team members were open to the idea of me joining, but the coach said a flat-out "NO".  Then I overheard her mention to a team member that it was because I was overweight (I have 30 pounds to go) - obviously she didn't know I was close-by or maybe she did and just didn't care if I heard.  All the other team members were slim. She wanted an elegant look to the team and me being 30 lbs overweight wasn't elegant enough for her liking.  Granted, an overweight person has the impossibility of looking lean, trim, slim, long-legged and model-like on a horse, but that doesn't mean we don't know how to ride and to ride well and correctly! And I am certainly fit enough that I don't huff and puff while riding.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It was like getting kicked in the teeth.  You know, some of us struggle terribly with weight and we do our very best, but there is still always some prejudice that all overweight people are junk-food junkies and like we gorge ourselves all day and all night.  I drink 10x more water than my skinny sister-in-law, no coffee, no tea (except green), no pop, no alcohol, no chips, no chocolate, no potato/rice/bread and still that's not good enough for some people. Apparently, overweight people shouldn't be allowed food, period.  It's craziness. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Anyway, I'll just continue on as is and continue trying to lose... but I had to vent.  Thanks for listening.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby horsemad! » Thu May 26, 2005 8:34 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"#ed_cl#Sounds to me like it’s their loss, Cadence.#ed_op#SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"#ed_cl#  #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl#The team would likely benefit from your knowledge and abilities, but because the coach is small minded they will miss out on that.#ed_op#SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"#ed_cl#  #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl#Sucks to be them.#ed_op#SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"#ed_cl#  #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl#You are doing what you can to be a better rider and to lose weight.#ed_op#SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"#ed_cl#  #ed_op#/SPAN#ed_cl#That’s all any reasonable person could ask.  #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"#ed_cl# #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"#ed_cl#I’ve said it many times, but a heavier, fit person who is a good rider looks 100% better on a horse than a skinny poor rider!#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Gemina » Thu May 26, 2005 8:50 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Honestly, what a mean outlook. As Horsemad says it's her loss. I would cry for a week. I've been where you are and if my husband so much as looked at me with "fat" in his eyes I would just have to eat so as not to get depressed. My sister has the same problem and one time when her husband took her out to an exclusive dinner restaurant she reached for a roll and he said to her "do you really need that". Well she started to cry and couldn't stop. They had to stay as dinner had been ordered. But I think he learned his lesson!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have been on many diets and used to be ashamed of saying this but just imagine the tons I'd weigh by now if I hadn't. Recently lost 33 lbs. so maybe I due to go on another "gain weight" diet.#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley1.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It's her loss, Cadence.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby horsemad! » Thu May 26, 2005 9:19 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Wow, Gemina, you sister's husband sounds like a real prize. #ed_op#IMG src="http://www.forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Sad/8.gif"#ed_cl#  I hope he learned his lesson.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby chenders01 » Thu May 26, 2005 10:45 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Cadence, what an awful thing for your coach to say!  It's comments like those that would motivate me to dump the coach and the barn and move to a nice, quiet, private place where I could trail ride and work on my own, without having to deal with snotty people who think that you must look a certain way in order to ride.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Honestly, I'd be devastated too and would most likely tell that coach to stick it where the sun don't shine, gather up my shattered pride, and leave.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Sodapoppers » Thu May 26, 2005 10:59 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#I'm sorry that had to happen to you Cadence. I had something similar happen in relation to my weight very recently and i spent the entire lesson in tears. I swear it was the worst lesson of my life. I can also relate witht eh "do you really need that" comment...get it from my parents alot, even for something as simple as using ketchup or putting seasoning on my popcorn (i don't even eat it with butter!) #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#A very consistant theme through my struggles with weight has been that if someone else is putting you down, they are usually threatened by you in some way or another. Ie. they are not comfortable with themselves, feel challenged by you; you get the idea. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#There is a girl where I ride who is a little heavier than a lot of the other riders; most have the 'chic' physique, tall, thin, lithe but i find they have a very hard time finding a mount they look suitable on (big enough through the barrel, tall enough for the torso, etc).  She is very self conscious of it, but i've seen her on my Harvey (when we go out for hacks) and on some of the bigger horses the others need to ride to look 'ok' on, and if my opinion means anything, i think she is a more versatile rider as far as mount suitability goes. I would very much like to be her size or around there as my final goal. I don't know what you look like or your weight, but personally i think a little meat looks better, and is very suitable as long as it's not interfering with your abilities (as i know mine sometimes can). So I guess you and I will just have to try to shrug those kinds of comments off and keep doing our best. I'm routing for you #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley20.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby cadence » Thu May 26, 2005 12:37 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Thanks everyone for the encouragement... it wasn't my personal coach who said that. It was the coach running the quadrille.  My personal coach would never say that, and she is so amazingly thin, but she seems to understand the struggles some people have.  I've lost 6 pounds this month so far... I'm determined to be down to my goal weight of 135 by August 31, in time for my birthday.  I think that is reasonable. Then, after that, we'll see if I need to lose another 5 or so pounds once I get to that point. Bring on the green tea!!! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby tbbrat » Thu May 26, 2005 3:19 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#What an awful thing for her to say!  Thirty lbs over is #ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl#not that#ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# heavy!  I'm probably close to that myself and it doesn't affect my riding.  Probably makes me harder to shift in the saddle! #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Happy/7.gif"#ed_cl# (I've always said that I wouldn't blow away in a strong wind).  I've know a few "riders" built like Barbie dolls - they couldn't ride for toffee! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Anyway, sounds like you have the right attitude - it's her problem, not yours!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#(Actually, I've been wondering about the thyroid thing myself lately, don't want to get out of bed in the mornings and tired all the time #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Other/3.gif"#ed_cl#)#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby *Giddy Up* » Thu May 26, 2005 5:05 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Wow, that's harsh, and an awful thing to say. I think you should ignore her, and it is her loss.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Sure, you've got some weight to lose, but if you're in the 160lb area, that's not that big! I mean I know it depends on body type and such, but really, that isn't that big- goodness, some people are SUPPOSED to weight that much.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#This coach really does seem small minded. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby 2dapoint » Thu May 26, 2005 6:33 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#That was plain mean!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#30 lbs over really isn't THAT much and spread over your entire body?  AND you know how to carry it and use it well...?  Welll geez.  Absolutely their loss!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#For a laugh.. had a class not too long ago with the whole "bmi" thingy.. you know: weight, height = risk factor? lol#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#when I put in my height (admittedly short!) and weight (very muscular - mostly thighs and shoulders) my ratio went off the upper end of the scale!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Another one - a few years ago (more than I like) I was dead fit, NO extra ounces anywhere!  I mean I'm at 5'2 and in at 100 lbs - again in the shoulders and legs.  A doctor had the nerve (after using that stupid bmi scale) to tell me that at that weight and for my height I was ranked as obese! " rather surprised when I replied "yeah, right.  and where would you suggest I lose from?  only thing left at this point is amputation"  guess she wasn't used to people who were secure in their body and in standing up to an authority figure?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#back to you - hell, I've weighed in about 30lbs over what I used to  quite often lately - and I'm sure not crying when I do.  Nor is anyone running screaming for cover!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Ignore that cow.  As someone else said (perfectly) ... their loss.  What a HUGE benefit you would have made as an addition to their team.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#tsk tsk.  And we like to think that we're stamping out prejudice... #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
Due to interpretational difficulties inherent in written communications, I respectfully suggest you refer to your coach for the answer; Imitation is still the sincerest form of flattery. Thank you, it's quite a lovely feeling to be so appreciated.
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Postby Chisholm » Thu May 26, 2005 7:33 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well that coach has just lost the best thing that could have happened to her Quadrille I'm sure.  And some people are just so shallow about things like weight and looks.  Good riding looks better than any skinny person who can't ride right.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Right now I am majorly struggling with losing weight, see Personal Trainer topic.  And I know that my coach is fustrated with my weight right now.  She didn't say it out right, but I know my coach well enough that it was in the back of her mind.  Many times before I have said it for her.  Matter of fact the comment she made I know was related.  She ask me if I have ever considered selling my horse.  Meaning my continued problems with this horse and I are not compatable because of my weight.  But I took it in stride, told her I will never sell this horse, discussion over.  And we continue on with no problems.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#So just let these comments roll off you.  I mean 30 pounds is nothing try 60 or more then I could see a bit of a problem.  Right SP?#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Teasing/2.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Brianna » Thu May 26, 2005 7:58 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley31.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#Awww, Cadence. That coach ought to be slapped, honestly.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#When I was college hunting, I really wanted to go to Smith College in Western Mass...and my very own coach told me (not trying to be mean, but being honest, so that I wouldn't waste my time trying out for the equestrian team.) that they would never let me ride on their team because I wasn't a *stick* figure...that they wouldn't even care what abilities I had because I was too *heavy* for their team. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#It really sucks that stuff like that happens - and I know it makes me more aware of other prejudices. It also makes me work harder to achieve my goals and to prove to the other person that it is their loss, lol. :-D And it #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#is #ed_op#/EM#ed_cl#the coach's loss!#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Sodapoppers » Thu May 26, 2005 9:32 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#0060bf#ed_cl#Yea Chis, I know what that means...20 down and another 60-80 to go #ed_op#IMG src="/richedit/smileys/disappointed.gif"#ed_cl#  I don't get your coach saying that to you though. I do not think you are very big at all. Certainly not too large for your boy either.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby xena_n_joss » Fri May 27, 2005 1:03 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have to say thats pretty pathetic that she said no because you are over weight. How selfish could one person be? If you and your horse are schooled well in the movements then there should have been no problem. Ummm like not all dressage riders are stick thin.... actually alot of them are overweight #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby cadence » Fri May 27, 2005 2:35 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well, that's sorta my opinion too.  Cindy Ishoy isn't pencil thin but she still looks great on Proton because she rides very well and technically correct.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#So, yesterday I upped the ante... rode my bike home after riding... uh... the saddle on that bike is, um, rather hard!! My butt hurts!  The trip home is mostly down or flat, but my goal is to get used to the bike saddle... then I will attempt to ride UP to the barn for a few weeks before making it a round trip. Of course, yesterday it hit 30 degrees - I always manage to start a new thing when it's a million degrees outside.  Today it is supposed to hit 32+.  Oiy. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#A href="http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm460YYCA" target=_blank#ed_cl##ed_op#IMG alt="In The Pool" src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_69.gif" border=0#ed_cl##ed_op#/A#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#In other news, we just got 20 acres of land with a large barn, outdoor sand ring, 2 round pens and huge cross-fenced pastures. Right now, the barn just has 7 foaling boxes (16x12) but I will be adding 20 12x12 stalls.  I'm quite sure the additional exercise running an equestrian facility will help peel the weight off... and if it doesn't then SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#A href="http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb044_ZNxdm460YYCA" target=_blank#ed_cl##ed_op#IMG src="http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb044&pp=ZNxdm460YYCA" border=0#ed_cl##ed_op#/A#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Megan Ball » Sun May 29, 2005 8:20 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Shelley- that dr is a quack!! I'm 5"2 and now at 133lbs(yay!!!) I was at 150 and I still wasn't in the obese catagory! I use the BMI at my work all the time, but it is useless cause a guy coming in that is lets say...6feet tall and 250lbs. How do you know (on paper) if he is obese or a muscle head??!!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#As for the being excluded for being over weight it's their problem, cause if they can't find another rider then they can't compete(just guessing I don't show). Just give them( the coach) the shoulder and ignore everything she/he says. If they are that pregiduced (sp)over a little weight then what about other things.... They are not even worth your while to even talk to in my own opinon. But thats just me, I have no time to waste with people who are that shallow and vain.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby 2dapoint » Sun May 29, 2005 9:14 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#lol! I'll agree Megan!  The problem (and it is admitted!) with the body mass index ratio scale is that if you are very muscular - it is thrown completely off.  We all know that muscle is several times heavier than fat - on a volume basis.  That particular doctor was a "women's only" doctor, much more used to seeing females with the "extra covering" that we are all predisposed to.  At that time (not any more of course) my arms and shoulders were so developed that I NEVER exposed them.  Seriously.  I always wore a shirt with sleeves - even to the beach!  I felt like a female body builder - and didn't like it.  My ideal body image was not rippling muscles upon more muscle.  But it was a direct result of my job.  I never dieted (except to maybe gain weight) and ran through an easy 7500 calories daily.  I would purposely start the season off with a little "winter weight" so that I would have something to keep me going until I got myself in the swing of things again (usually took about 3 weeks to  get back in the habits of conserving energy and eating the way I needed to to provide the energy I used) every spring after a 2 month layoff in the winter.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Again, you are the loss to THEM.  Coach needs a new thinker.  JMHO. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby *Giddy Up* » Sun May 29, 2005 11:07 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Wow, that doctor definitely has some issues Shelley. I don't know if I would trust that doctor. Sure, that's what the paper says, but can the doctor not see that you are a muscular woman?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#If you're justing finding your BMI calculating numbers on a paper, it really isn't that accurate because it does not take into account your muscle mass. The best way to find it is to use fat calippers- although make sure you know how to use them properly (there are certain spots on the body and certain directions you have to take the measurements). Those are the most accurate. You can also get an electronic BMI tester, where you input your measurements into a machine, where you press a button and it sends an electrode through your body. The good thing about these, is that it will take into account the muscle mass, because it is comparing the amount of fat to the amount of muscle in your body. However, I'd only use these for an approximate value, as the numbers can vary each time you do it (as in once I got 18.7%, next time I did it I got 18.3%- the main number is generally the same, but it can change around a bit).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby 2dapoint » Mon May 30, 2005 7:49 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Giddyup, I couldn't agree more!  However, I did get a clue... I had originally gone to her for my "yearly" and while I was there, of course.. the questions about the "monthly" came up.  When the calendar came out, and the lack of regularity was noted, her FIRST recommendation was "remove it" (her of course getting the fees for that little slice and dice job) - when I asked if that was really necessary - her reply was "you're done with it aren't you? " ( I had 3 children by that point, but was still quite young - one never knows!).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#So, just a heads up ... when someone (else) has a goal in mind, EVERYthing that they say may have a certain... skew? to it#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Of course, in thinking... it's pretty obvious about the scanty periods isn't it?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Anyways.  The bmi is one of the least useful tools there is when using only the paper method - as has been pointed out!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#And I STILL say that *the team* is missing out on their best opportunity!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#go spit in her eye (might actually wash away the dirt or whatever is blocking her vision)!  #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Teasing/4.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
Due to interpretational difficulties inherent in written communications, I respectfully suggest you refer to your coach for the answer; Imitation is still the sincerest form of flattery. Thank you, it's quite a lovely feeling to be so appreciated.
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2dapoint
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Location: Canada


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