biological clocks.

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biological clocks.

Postby BBelleTB » Sat Jun 04, 2005 12:53 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Ok guys, this is crazy i know but i know there are lots of young moms, old moms and new moms out there and i wanted to talk about this to someone, and well, my man gets a little jumpy about it ha ha!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Im only 23, and have been with my partner (who is 30 in sept)  for two years, we live together and are in the process of savign for a house (probably spring time '06)  We are NOT financially stable, though we are almost debt free, have SOME savings, and both in excellent working positions in our companies. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Here is my dilemma.... I want to have a baby... really really badly.  Everytime i see a pregnant woman, i want to hug her or touch her belly, and im overcome with jealousy. For examply a colleague of mine came to work all excited this morning because his wife has reached her 12 weeks of pregnancy and they can start telling people, and i was so jealous, i didnt even want to talk to her when she came into the office!  I want to be going through that even though i know full well i am not mentally, or financially prepared to have a family.  #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#Have any of you dealt with this before?  Am i normal? Is this a phase? will it go away until im "ready"....ha ha#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby xena_n_joss » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:33 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#well I personally think alot of people, if theyre with someone they love and feel are going to be with, then they usually start getting that "want". Because of course, when you love someone you start thinking you want to have a family with them and all that good stuff. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Theres nothing wrong with wanting it, but both people have to want it and ideally you should just know that you have to wait a bit until you have a nice home and are finacially able to support a child. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You also have to remember that once you have kids, im not saying you have no life, but you often will not have as much time to youself, or time alone with your partner, or time for other things in life. Not that its bad, if the time is right you will want to give up the other time for your kid.......#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
When something goes wrong in a show, it's actually the best time because you learn from it. You ask yourself 'what can I do better?' When everything goes OK, you don't ask yourself that question --- ANKY
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Postby Trufflemaker » Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:38 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I would just say, ENJOY each moment in your life--don't spend time longing for the next phase. Enjoy the anticipation of future parenthood, but don't get all impatient for it. It will be all the more delicious when it comes, for having waited until the time is right. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Sometimes, people romanticize the whole pregnancy and child-rearing thing, and you know it is not romantic at all when you are living it. Children are noisy, messy, demanding, and time-consuming from the moment they come out of the womb. (yes! I love my kids! really!) Sometimes you get "extras" in the package that you never considered ahead of time. One of mine has ADHD and man, it has been hard for the past 8 years. I have cried a lot and had a few tantrums of my own over this one. Now he is on a gluten-free, milk-free diet that seems to help a lot--but it is a lot of work (talk about time-consuming grocery shopping, batman). All this to say, that parenting is not something you want to engage in until BOTH of you are mentally prepared for it, and financially able to offer your child everything you want to give him/her.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#If you love babies and kids and want to spend time with some, you likely know some parents who would be happy to have someone practice parenting on their kids for an afternoon or evening! Volunteer to be a Big Sister if you don't know anyone who has kids, or have no nieces/nephews to spoil. You'll have fun, and learn a lot about yourself and kids at the same time. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#p.s. do you live in Ottawa? I have 3 delightful kids you could spend time with!! haha#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Easter » Mon Jun 06, 2005 8:55 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Coming from someone who is in her 14th week of pregnancy and feeling quite nauseous today- I agree with the poster that said that pregnancy isn't all about glowing and feeling great. There are many good days, but there are days when it's hard to go to work and not feel like running to the bathroom all day.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I am 30 and was never one to want kids my entire life. I married my husband when I was 28 and we wanted to get our lives in order and be with each other before starting a family. We bought a house, did some travelling and then just decided to let nature take it's course. Even now, I like kids, but I'm not the one to run over and gush all over them. I'm excited to be a mom, but I also think and (sometimes) worry that I'll have no time to myself anymore. Will I be able to ride? Will I be able to take a long nap again? Will I be able to see my friends? #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#BUT I do think the positives of having a kid outweigh those fears. I can't wait to meet this little one and go through all the stages (even the bad ones).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It's a personal decision between you and your BF if you are ready to start a family. If your BF isn't ready, then I would wait. It's best when both of you are on teh same page. I know I wasn't ready at 23 to be a mom, but everyone is a different. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby xena_n_joss » Mon Jun 06, 2005 9:27 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#one thing im a little bit worried about with your bf is that you say he gets nervous talking about it... and hes almost 30... Have you told him that kids is something you would like in the next few years? Is that what he wants also?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My bf is only 23 and he has no problem talking about having kids and stuff. Hes told me when he would like to have them and why ect... That doesnt mean he wants them right now... Its just nice that he can talk about it. But then again he can talk about anything haha, he never shuts up sometimes. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
When something goes wrong in a show, it's actually the best time because you learn from it. You ask yourself 'what can I do better?' When everything goes OK, you don't ask yourself that question --- ANKY
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Postby Kaleena » Mon Jun 06, 2005 10:01 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#While you feel that you really really want one right now, you need to look at the bigger picture and see if this 'want' is something that is feasible at this point in time. How would a child fit into both of your lives right now? How would a child affect the plans that you guys have already made together, ie. getting out of debt and saving for a house?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My Bf and I are also saving for a house (we are both 23) for early '06. We have talked a lot about each others thoughts and plans for the future are. I am also concerned like xena that your bf gets nervous talking about it. A man that gets jumpy when talking about having a baby is obviously not ready to have a baby, but he should be able to talk to you about the reasons for his feelings. The bf and I have talked about having children quite a bit (definitely not now, but making sure we are both on the same page). I think you need to have a good talk with your man and find out what his is thinking for the future and find out if he even wants children at all!#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Gemina » Mon Jun 06, 2005 11:10 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Like you, EAster, I was not ga ga over babies. Waited until I kinda felt like it and at age 29 had a baby. If I were to look back on my life would have to say that this was the most special moment in my life.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby BBelleTB » Mon Jun 06, 2005 4:01 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#oh no its not that he like freaks out or anything, he is definitely old enough and mature enough to know he wants a family as well, but he knows we are still a year or two away financially so he gets a little antsy when i jump the gun! (he already has names picked out....) anyways, thanks for all the advice, nothing i didnt already know ha ha!!  It felt good to vent though. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Littlegreymare » Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:44 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#It's actually quite normal, I'm experiencing the same sort of thing.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#I read an article just the other day actually that helped me tone it down.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#DH and I are recently married, young, financially stable & debt free.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#BUT! We do not have our own place, we're saving like crazy to buy a farm next year, I haven't figured out what will happen with the horses, and heck! I don't even have a family doctor yet (And won't anytime soon, we're in the KW region). So the definate answer whenever the subject comes up (every single day), is NO. Not right now.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#We're both looking forward to it, it's just not the right timing.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#Anyhoo this article pointed out that you do get to the stage when you desperately want children. Usually right after marriage, or when you've established a stable and long-term relationship. But it said don't jump the gun, enjoy your alone time with your partner and appreciate your undisturbed full nights of sleep.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#When you're up at 3am with a colicky baby, you'll certainly fondly look back upon your alone times together.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#Anyhoo I read it and finally *got* what DH has been saying about wanting to spend at least a year alone together, work some more on our relationship, plan very well in advance, maybe even take some parenting classes. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Verdana color=#668f5a size=2#ed_cl#:) And besides, your biological clock will continue to tick for several years yet, don't rush it.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Patricia » Wed Jul 06, 2005 11:21 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#That clock has PLENTY of ticking time left...There are quite a few people who wait for the right moment.  To be able to provide a good stable home.  Your very young...enjoy your life together....save your $$$, travel etc.  Once a child arrives your life as you know is DIFFERENT.  You no longer come first or hubby....I was 27 when I got married...The clock was REALLY ticking for me...BUT we enjoyed our time...travelled twice a year...paid off our mortgage...(I had savings before we got married)...I was 30 when I had my first child.  I was never one to get all excited about rushing into the baby thing.  #2 came after much difficulty at age 35.  We were already well-established and READY for a family.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Quite frankly your BF's comments are quite normal...most guys are chicken.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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