Depression

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Depression

Postby graciespook » Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:23 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Knowing that depression is quite common, I've been feeling depressed for some time now. Having survived clinical depression and anxiety before, I'm worried because I'm experiencing some of the same symptoms again. I just have too much going wrong in all the areas of my life--my family (they love to make me feel worthless), money, work, my horse isn't on a consistent schedule and is being a dork this past week and Mr.Graciespooks has been feeling so worried about money and all the other issues we're having with moving that I feel helpless. The two of us will have a fantastic night, where he's the optimistic one, and helps me through the tears and the next day I can't speak to him because there's another issue. The problem is not with our relationship (I just called him in tears and he perked me up somewhat) but with all the other external issues. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#How do you deal with all this stress? I feel like I'm about to explode and I want to look at my life, stand up and walk away from it. I just feel so helpless. It took some courage on my part to post this here because I just want to hear that I'm not the only one out there. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby draftdriver » Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:39 pm

You say you've been 'in and out' of depression before. Take heart from the fact that there is an 'out' side to depression. It's not a downward spiral. There's sunshine at the other end, even though you might not be able to see it right now. Been there, done that, several times.
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Postby Kaleena » Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:44 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You are definitely not alone! Long story short....I went through a few years of being on anti-depressants. Once I felt I could I came off the meds and have been technically 'fine' ever since, but there have been a few times when stress has gotten to me and it feels like I'm slipping backwards. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Most recently for me it was the stress of moving (like you). The bf and I just bought a house, but I didn't have a permanent job yet, I pay for one horse but my parents wanted me to start paying for the other, I felt helpless because I didn't have a job and was worried about not having enough money to help out with the house or the horses. The stress of finding a job increased.  The bf is also supportive and can ususally get me through my low moments but I just feel so helpless sometimes. Theses lows are few and far between but they still happen. They are way less in intensity then the ones I experienced before I went on the meds years ago. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm not sure what to tell you that would help, Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone :)#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby graciespook » Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:50 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You just feel so alone. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I just don't know where to turn anymore. Even counselling is during work hours, and I can't take the time off for that! Its just hard to even try to 'suck it up'. I just get feeling so low and down, I want to sell the horse, leave the country and live in a hut in the middle of nowhere..lol...but seriously, I don't want to go back on medications, but I feel as if I need something to alter this cycle because I'm fearing for my emotional well being.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Lix » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:01 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Gracie... I'm sorry to hear about how crummy you are feeling.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm sure many many of us will understand.  Both my parents have chronic depression.  It IS very common and nothing to be ashamed of.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think you just have too much going on right now.  You are probably overwhelmed and taking things harder than you normally would.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#<snip>#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm not sure I have too many words of wisdom for you... just wanted to tell you that I understand.  And that it may be hard to do this right now, but think of all the positive and don't dwell on the negative.  Sure, you have things to worry about but you have Mr.G by your side - you will get through this.  He is healthy, you are healthy, puppy is healthy and horse is healthy (as far as I know).  You are moving to a great new place.  I'm sure if you just think about it, you'll find alot of things to be excited about.  Try to enjoy this time too, it should be fun and exciting for you guys.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#And we are here to listen of course... ;)#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
Last edited by Lix on Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby graciespook » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:08 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Thanks Lix, that does help..although, knowing my luck, he'll colic tonight or something! lol. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby zooka » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:18 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Find someone you can trust who is not immediately involved in everything and talk to them.  I have had problems with it in the past and it seems to be a constant battle at the moment ot stay out of it.  Talking to someone like a good friend or even a proffessional can really be helpful!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Emerald » Wed Sep 21, 2005 4:23 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Hi Gracie,#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I know what you mean , everything seems to be going wrong, Life seemed to be OK and then a series of events crash into you.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Spouse gets forced into early retirement , has to fight for settlement. Has had several menial jobs which he has quite for some reason or other#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Downsizing, my job of $40K was eliminated, takes me 1.5Yrs to find another job. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Crash, I rolled our truck in a freezing rain incident, it was a complete write off but I walked away. Truck in my name, I could not afford collision, so $13,000. gone, #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#But I am Alive. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have some pretty serious money problems myself, and I am not sure what the next couple of months will bring as my common law of the last 7 years , the last time he spoke to me was months ago, only to tell me he wants to sell the house, split up, He is Depressed, he hates the world, he hates everyone except his son and his mother, I suspected it was only a matter of time before I was on his hate list. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It will only make him happy to destroy my life which ever way he can. It is not I who has ruined his life as he likes to accuse me of, I have friends, many thru my love of horses. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Try to think of the good things, and cherish life today. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Try to find Someone to listen and talk it out with. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My thing is, I know my own life and see people differently, because I know life affects us all. Perhaps I try to read too much in someone's eyes when I look into them, people have different problems. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You are not alone , A friend is near.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Trufflemaker » Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:49 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#A member of my family suffers from chronic depression. Many people do... If you're feeling this way for months at a time, please, please see your doctor and get a referral to a specialist. You should be enjoying your life and savouring every experience. And you CAN get to that point, with the right kind of help. Pick up the phone! Call your doctor and leave a message on the answering service!! Right now!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby *Giddy Up* » Wed Sep 21, 2005 8:27 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Aww, sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It sounds you are very stressed from all the new things- my suggestion is to remember, through all of this- regardless of how bad it may seem to be, it to take some time for yourself. If that means every night before bed you take 30mins to have a nice hot bath and read a book, then do that. Go to a spa and get a massage- or get your SO to do it- then you two can bond and relax together.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It will get better!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I always find that when I get stressed is that it really helps to write things down. This helps so I'm not worrying about what I'm going to do when, or if I'll forget or whatever. So write everything down and create a plan. Get one of those whiteboard calendars or something and make a plan of what you will do when, then, as you do it, cross it off the list- it will make everything seem much better as you see things being ticked off the list. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think you should also sit down and think, or write out, all the things that are GOOD in your life. Write/think about the things that make you happy.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm sure things will get better, but remember to take care of yourself first!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Trufflemaker » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:10 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well if your depression is largely caused by external circumstances then you will find your way out of it and doing things like planning and making lists etc. will help you on your way. Trying to simplify your life as much as you can to reduce your stress levels will help. However, chronic depression is often caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. If this is the case, then you need medical attention. If you don't know which it is, consult your doctor or naturopath anyways. You shouldn't be feeling depressed for such a long time! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Have you heard of the book "Molecules of Emotion"? It is quite technical, but explains how our emotions are linked to very specific chemicals and receptors in the brain. If you have a surplus of the chemicals that generate depressed feelings, or not enough of the ones that generate good feelings, you will not feel right. Even what you eat can have an affect on your emotions (think chocolate...). One of my kids was always erupting in temper. Really, really bad moods getting angry all the time over nothing. We found out he has some food allergies, changed his diet, and his anger has disappeared. The change is really dramatic. Not to say that this is the case with you Graciespook, but just that if your body is in an imbalance, you need to do something about it. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby graciespook » Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:05 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Thanks for the understanding...I feel better now that I don't feel so alone. I know things will get better, its just a matter of time and persistence.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby tbbrat » Thu Sep 22, 2005 3:20 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I know how it feels, Graciespook.  Things just seem to pile up one on top of the other, until even minor things become major.  I don't think it helps to be hearing about all the murders, hurricanes etc, etc that are going on right now.  It makes me feel sad and helpless.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I know what you mean about wanting to live in a hut somewhere - I get that feeling frequently.  Keep telling my SO that we should buy 50 acres somewhere and start homesteading, get away from everyone!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Gemina » Thu Sep 29, 2005 10:18 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Gpook, when you are depressed for as long as you have been it's best as someone said to see a doctor. It's very hard to do anything constructive when you are stressed out and depressed. So many problems we have don't have quick fixes and often have to do with money. So, in my opinion in order to get yourself together you need some medical help.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I've been on Effexor for years and don't plan to stop anytime soon. Depression runs in my family.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby Patricia » Thu Sep 29, 2005 11:41 am

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#They say if you have your health you have everything.  Worrying doesn't make things any better.  You need to simplify your life--get organized.  Make time for yourself.  Slow your life down.  The best thing I did was leave the busy city life.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have two children both with medical issues.  When my son was diagnosed with sudden vision loss--quite frankly I was devasted.  I stopped living.  We moved to our farm to live the good life instead....I was home alone A LOT and was forced to handle ALL serious family issues.  I had no family support.  They always made me feel like I never measured up and at times even called me a bad parent.  Heck, I quit work to stay home for my kids and gave up a good paycheck.  #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#We moved a household of 15 years in one day with NO help at all.  I just did it.  I was expected too.  Then when he took sick I ran from doctor to doctor.  It took a genetic study to determine that it was mom's DNA (very technical/scientific) me--I had passed this on.  I went for genetic counselling BUT struggled with heart palpitations, anxiety attack at night and could not sleep.  I would spend my whole day focused on his issues.  My daughter too now age 21 has a heart condition.  At age 2 days old she was wisked away to two different hospitals and had heart surgery.  I was unable to be there as I had an emergency c-section and was hospitalized for 10 days.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Needless to say, I have had a lot on my plate.  I have to say my son is very resilient and an extremely harder worker at school.  He is in a regular program at school and has computer and CCTV to read and do his work.  He has a vision teacher every other day to learn technology stuff, braille etc.  I think I sat down and looked at what was important in life.  I need to work on my happiness--It is ongoing.  I enrolled my son in therapeutic riding.  I volunteer there as well.  His progress has been dramatic and has been riding for over 4 years.  He has been to the Royal many times as a Demo rider for therapeutic riding.  He has been on the cover of onTRA's newsletters.  He has been runner up for Male Athlete with a Disability and presented with an award at the Royal.  This past winter we boarded out one horse and focused on our dressage goals and riding skills.  This spring we chose to challenge ourselves and show at the Primary level.  Even harder, I was his coach!  He was outstanding!  He had countless red and blue ribbons and 3 time was Junior high point at the shows.  He finished the year Champion in his division.  Myself, well I have not show in 10 years.  My goal was to finish respectably and be able to button my show jacket!  Well if it were not for my horse developing back issues it would have been same finish as Corey.  I finished Reserve by .40 of a point.  1st was 370.58 and I was 2nd with 370.12.  This year was a turning point.  I try to live life differently now.  So my house isn't clean....I have a little clutter...BUT I find those simply things in life now are SO important.  Appreciate what you have.  When I go out the door in the morning I enjoy the walk to the barn is so relaxing.  I have 6 horses that keep me busy, 3 dogs (newest addition is a JR Terrier....he is a handful) and 2 new kittens and 2 older cats.  Just the other day I rescued a bird from the jaw of my cat.  It felt so good.  I enjoy giving back to the community, we always participate in a local dog walk for Canine Vision/Seeing eye dogs.  Stressing in non-productive...I would go days without doing anything.  Re-evaluate what is important to you and prioritize...Life is for LIVING not stressing over...Good Luck!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby *Giddy Up* » Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:45 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Very well said Patricia!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think what you said about "Life is about LIVING..." can apply to all of us. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby graciespook » Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:59 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think we can all relate to that. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#There have been other contributing factors, but things have been better. I was lucky to find two sounding boards that came from the most unexpected places and were completely neutral to my situation, therefore provided some sound advice. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Mr.Graciespooks and I sat down and looked at the money situation and we've finished packing somewhat. He's been making more of an effort not to explode and break down over everything. That helped too. We've been a lot better together, forgetting the external issues and concentrating on each other and our own emotional well being. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It goes in waves. Some days I feel as though I could conquer the world, and other days I want to stay in bed and forget I have a life to live, a job to go to, bills, responsibilities, my horse, etc etc. But each day keeps going by and I realize I should try and live it. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I went to the doctor on Tuesday night and had a chat with him (part of the problem was I thought I was pregnant, due to my lack of period, but thankfully I'm not) and he relaxed me too. He pointed out things could be worse and the situation was going to get better. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think the key point was communication. Last time I went through a bad bout of depression (suicide attempts, medication, and the works) I had no one willing to openly communicate and verbalize my issues and help me come up with solutions. The difference this time is a supporting spouse, a wonderful boss, and the outside help that I've had.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Sure, I'm still depressed in general about things, but at least I have some perspective and I am not trying to ignore it, which was part of the problem last time. My SO is getting better at cheering me up, making me laugh, being the strong one when I need it and generally helping me out. I try to return the favour by making things easier on him too. My horse is great as well, because he's so infatuated with himself I have no time to think about my own problems!!!! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Thank you all who responded. Sharing your stories and advice really has helped more than you know. :D#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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Postby *Giddy Up* » Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:01 pm

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Good to hear that things are starting to look up for you! I hope the continue to go in that direction!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#lol, I found the comment you made about your horse funny...#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#
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