Aw, thanks everyone for understanding...it's nice to know that at least people know where I'm coming from.
I have tried talking to them before about this issue, and they always assure me that everything is fine, then promise me more, then don't deliver.
This is also not a new thing...it's something that I feel like I've been fighting all summer. Every time I make plans, they make excuses.
I feel like an idiot that it's taken me this long to realize that perhaps everything isn't as rosy as I first thought it was.
Lately, the deal has been that if I go up, I ride Bogart, and then have to pony their granddaughter around on him, so I feel like I'm being used for that, too. I clean their stable and feed their horses and I have not heard a thank you or seen a dime, despite promises....
And I wouldn't put lying past anyone...not that they're completely evil...I've given them a lot and they've been very generous letting me work with their horses...but I have heard them flat-out lie to other people about things related to their horses before, and then turn to me and make an excuse for their lying.
And everyone who offered a horse or said they'd have a horse for me to try in a second if they could, just those words make me feel so much better! Thank you!
I've been feeling like I'm at a dead end, and stuck in a hard spot, where if I left this place, and Bogart (which, no matter the outcome, will be one of the hardest things I've done), I would have nowhere to go and nothing to ride. So thanks for the comments, they've made me feel more confident in my abilities and made me realize that there's plenty of opportunities out there even if I can't own a horse right now.
I am thinking that sadly, maybe I should just get out. I am off to University in September again anyway, and haven't had a chance to ride while I'm there, as there's no where around that I know of to ride. lol. So maybe it's best to finally cut that cord, and next summer, I can have a fresh start somewhere new.
(Oh, and you people in Ottawa, watch out! When I'm graduated and get a job in Ottawa, I'll be knocking at your barn doors.
).
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. It's made things a little more clear in my head.
Tomorrow I'm going up to collect all of my equipment, so we'll see how that goes.