Really hurting...

[Brianna]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Love/15.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I don't know why I'm posting this...I'm not looking for advice or anything. #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Sad/2.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#Its just...I'm having my heart broken very slowly. (I know its not any better when it happens quickly.) ...I think Mike and I are in the process of breaking up. He asked me on Sunday if we could hang out as friends or if I'd hate him too much and lose his number. I felt it coming last week...the past 2 weeks have been rough, he's been "in a mood" as he puts it...and we've hardly spoken, I've seen him once in that time...and it just didn't feel right. He hugged me when I left, but didn't kiss me - saying he didn't want me to get his sinus infection. Ok, well, thanks I don't want it, but no kiss of any kind?? And the only thing I could get from him about why he was "in a mood" was an assurance that it wasn't me. Otherwise, I was completely pushed away and blocked out. We had a long discussion about it and I thought we had an understanding, there anyway. And then after not speaking to him for a few days last week to give him some space and whatnot...this. He still says its not me...which, I disagree with, to a point. He says I've done nothing wrong, that when he starts to feel a certain way and starts to get into relationship mode, he feels like he needs to back off. And that its because everytime he's gotten to this point in the past, he's been sh*t on. So...it comes down to him being scared of getting hurt again and me feeling like I'm getting punished for something someone else did to him. Its not fair. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#We've been talking about it...he asked me how I feel and what I want...and I told him I really care about him, I want to be with him and that I am willing to work on it. I don't know what that entails exactly, but I realize that I'm only 50% of the decision here. And if he doesn't want to work on it, then I can't change his mind. ...We are trying to come to an agreement...trying to decide if maybe "taking a break" is a better plan for the time being. But he is concerned about me starting to resent him, etc. I think that can be worked around if we're clear about how we're going to execute the "break" -- if we're going to talk, how often, and when the time limit is (not for him to get over this, but how long I'm agreeing to wait). I don't want to wait for him for the rest of my life, obviously. I think even 6 months is pushing it further than I want to go...but...I think the end of November, even December, I could do. Provided we have that agreement of, well, ok, we'll talk once a week on X day, unless something is said otherwise. And in making that type of agreement, we're both making a promise to the other person...promises are very important to both of us. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I don't know how its going to play out. I have a feeling he's already made his decision and that he isn't ready to voice it officially quite yet. I asked him if he wants this to be the end, and he said, I don't know. I don't think so. I asked him if he wants to be with me, and he said its not about being with you or with anyone else right now. (By the way, there is no one else.) To which I said, ok...but that's not what I asked. He finally said, I really care about you, I like you a lot, I think you're a really great girl and I don't usually click with someone this way...I want to be with you, I just don't know if now is the right time. He keeps asking me if it ends here, if that's it...or if we can be friends. And...I just don't know. I told him I would need time to figure out if I could handle it, right now I am too close to it, it hurts too much, I feel too much for him...right now that's not what I want from him. And I don't want that voice in the back of my head wondering if his, "let's see where it goes" addition is ever going to pan out to something more, like it did the first time. I don't want to be the person he calls when no one else is around...I don't want to end up like one of his exes, whom he avoids until he feels like he has to hang out with her for a day or something. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I...god, I don't know. I don't want it to end now...or like this. I've said all of this to him, in mostly the same words...the only thing I haven't said is that I think he needs to talk to someone...i.e. a therapist. Because there is just no nice way of suggesting that to someone...I have to say, though...he gets brownie points for making me cry...I'm not a cryer...#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Sad/3.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Leena]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Hello !#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Being rejected is one of the worst feeling someone can experiment. This goes right to your value as a person.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Your guy is having this speech well throw him away and have a good laugh; he is just not for you !#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Before meeting anyone else, do yourself a good exercice of what you want to live, who you want to live with, describe him, describe the kind of life you want to have. Value yourself and don't put you in situation where you experiment rejection.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You don't need that kind of emotions and believe me this is not love. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I really hope this will help you !!!! Have a super day !!!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Leena#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Brianna]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I don't know, Leena. Maybe I'm an idiot for believing him...but I really don't think that he's saying this stuff to be a jerk. Believe me, I got all the possible ulterior motives he could have from my friend James. I just don't think they are correct here. I don't think his intent is to hurt me - although he knows he's hurting me. Does that even make sense? I don't want to justify what he's doing, because I think it sucks, and it would be completely different if I had done something to make him angry and he said, I can't do this. But I do think he is being sincere...I think he is being honest with me. I think he has some real issues that he needs to deal with...I don't love him, but I am close, and I definitely think I could love him. I think we could have something...I see it going somewhere. But, like I said...if he's not willing to work on it, then I can't make him, nor do I want to.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I know everything happens for a reason, and that often the reason is unclear while it is happening. I am just not ready for this to end...but if it does, then so be it. I don't want to lose him completely, so maybe with time, I can be friends with him...if he says he's willing to make something work, then I will give him the time and space he needs, and if at the end of whatever time span we agree on, he can't give me a better answer, then I guess I will walk away...#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I have told him where I stand, what I want and what I feel...unfortunately now, he needs to make a decision. We are supposed to talk again tomorrow night, and I asked that he try to come up with somethings that might work, since he is not overly fond of the suggestions I've managed to come up with (i.e. taking a break)...#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Lix]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Awww, Brianna, I'm so sorry...  *hugs*#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I know this is super tough right now and it probably hurts like he!!.  But I'm going to be 100% honest, given that, we, as readers with not emotional involvement, are more capable of seeing things objectively.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#His feelings have changed.  It's instinct to try and find the "why" for this apparently sudden change, but the fact is, if he's not willing to be upfront about that reason, then in the end it doesn't matter.  In the end, his feelings have still changed.  No doubt you guys did 'click' but if he's feeling this way just a few months into the relationship, then it's not a good indicative of a long term future together.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#About his indecision - I do think it's because he's trying not to hurt you.  Undoubtedly, he does care for you, perhaps differently than you care for him, but I think this is why he is being a bit vague.  The fact is, if he's mustered up the courage to even bring this up, then I think his decision is already made.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I know you are hurting right now Bri but you are a super girl and there is no reason you should have to wait for anyone.  This is HIS decision and it's not fair to put you on hold - even if you think you don't mind being in that position right now.  He has to live with his decision - he wants to be friends, then fine.  You go your way, he goes his and if he comes back in six months and you are single, you'll see then.  But in the interim, don't live in the uncertainty - you do not deserve this.  He can't have his cake and eat it too.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#This is just my opinion Bri and I sometimes don't express myself very well so I just want to reiterate that it's not meant to be hurtful.  To the contrary!  I feel sad for you right now because I can imagine the pain but remember we are all here to listen anytime.    Hang in there Bri.  There's another Casanova waiting for you out there.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[zooka]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#wow Brianna that is tough.  You sound like you have quite the head on your shoulders being able to make these potential plans.  Like talking on X day every week etc.  As you say you are only 50% of the decision though so it really does come down to Mike.  One thing you might want to ask him is if he is affraid and breaks up with you because hedoes not want to get hurt if the relationship does not work out, how will he ever be able to have a long term relationship work?  Relationships are about giving your heart completely to the other person and trusting them, if that is not in your relationship how will it work?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I hope you and Mike can talk it through and come up with a solution that works for both of you!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#he really sounds like hes trying not to hurt your feelings too much. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#With any relationship that is meant to last you will always have to do a bit of work, but your relationship shouldnt always be trying to work things out... If you guys have that many problems, it will be better for both of you to just part your ways. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My saying, just go with what happens, if it was meant to be it will work out in the end. If it wasn't well then, your young you will find someone soon enough and they will be that much better.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[jax]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Aw Bri, that sucks.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#But...honestly?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think everyone has heard this story in one form or the other, in fact as I read your story I knew all the points that were coming next because it follows the exact same pattern as so many other stories that I have heard.  It sounds like it is just time to cool it, which will hurt you for a bit, but you really need to step back and away from it all so you can take the blinkers off and make sure that this is a relationship to fight for, or if it has just become routine and comfortable.  You're young, you have lots of time, and you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I have to say though, this one always kills me...he's been hurt before so he doesn't want to go to "that" place again. - This means that he just doesn't want to have anything serious, his feelings have changed, he is trying to let you down easy and make you feel sorry for him so that you won't turn into a psycho stalking b*tch. #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Happy/4.gif"#ed_cl#  Chances are he's never been hurt before and this has nothing to do with baggage, it is just something that people are programmed to say.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Leena]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Brianna, I understand how you are right now involved emotionnaly in this.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#During my life, I have met many guys with whom I wish strongly to have something. But they were not ready for involment. Or I was not...#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Again, I am telling you that your feeling of rejection is responsible for your inner pain more than anything else. But this is very easy to say after words.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Your mate took a decision, he is uncertain in regard to stay involve with you and this belong to him. You have the right to be deceived, to feel pain in regard to this. But don't say you are an idiot; you are a valuable person and entitled to a nice life, a place in the sun.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Life is beautifull you know that ? You are here to learn about yourself, here to improve yourself with a sense of humour. Here to make your life so interesting that someone will want to share it with you.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Good luck !!!!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Leena#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Fritz]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Hey Brianna,#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Sorry to hear of your situation.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I read a book over the summer that might be just what you need to give you some perspective - it was featured on Oprah.  I thought it would be cheezy, but it really was very insightful.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#"He's Just not that into you" is the title.  Pick it up - it might explain alot of the unexplained #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You go your way, he goes his and if he comes back in six months and you are single, you'll see then.  He can't have his cake and eat it too.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#thanks lix....take the words outta my mouth!! #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys/Teasing/6.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#bri, hon, you know we all love you & will help you as much as we can......that said, i agree with lix on this one. while you feel you could wait around for him for a while, you shouldn't have to, its going to be a huge strain on you, wondering what he's doing, where he is, is he going to call on X day, etc.....#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#you're a pretty, smart, talented woman who deserves a man that can be upfront & honest (don't we all!) about how he feels, and IMHO - if he loves you then he'll fight for you, even if that means he has to fight himself & his damaged psyche. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#just to add, when I first started going out with my bf now, he was wary at the beginning of our relationship, because ya, he had been through some bad stuff. The previous 2 gfs ha dcheated on him, the one before me ended up being a controlling psycho who actually hit him. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#But once we started to get to know each other and trust each other it got better. Everyone has past relationships, but we need to get over them. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#he sounds like he isnt interested, or he has major issues. Hes a big boy, he can get over his past. That kind of excuse is simply that... an excuse. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*rickie*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl#Oh Bri...what a shocker!! I am even shocked at this! I remember fallowing your thread about Mike, and how you guys got to together, and how nice of a guy he is.....I'm just shocked and apauled!!!  Hugs to you Bri! #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley31.gif"#ed_cl# #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley31.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl#I agree with you, sounds like he isn't trying to hurt you, he does have a reason to his indecisiveness.....he's been hurt in the past......maybe try reminding him of his earlier words, "I've never met anyone like you" (for some strange reason, I remember you telling us that he said that.....hopefully I'm right!) #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl#I also like the comment that Zooka made, about "how will he ever get past this point and have a long term relationship" I'd put him on the spot with that question, then it, hopefully, will clear up any chances of it being a pile of #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#A href="mailto:cr@p"#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl#cr@p#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/A#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl# and just a speech.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT face=Tahoma color=#c080ff size=4#ed_cl#Keep us all updated, and as everyone says, you're too smart to stay stuck on one guy.......Just hand another napkin out the car window girl!!!  #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley2.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Dee22]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Bri, I'm so sorry to hear this, that really sucks #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#In all honesty, I think your going to have to sit down and really decide if this is worth waiting for. I think even if Mike has been hurt in his past, if he felt really strongly about this than he would have no doubt in his mind that he would want to continue with it. If your both not on the same page now, than how can you be on the same page 6 months from now, or a year from now? That is one of the most important things I have learned so far, if your both not wanting the same things right from the beginning, chances are, your not ever going to want the same things (or at least the same things, at the same time). I spent a good 2 years waiting around for some guy that kept saying the same thing to me... it wasn't that he was trying to hurt me, it was the exact opposite, he was trying not to hurt me... in the end I realised that we both have never really wanted the same thing... time to move on... #ed_op#BR#ed_cl#I hope this doesn't hurt too much to hear but maybe it's better to go your seperate ways now, rather than wait around, try it again, and have the same thing happen later in.,.. you don't want to have to go through the same thing over and over again... it hurts just as much (if not more) the second time around.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#If Mike isn't 100% sure he wants to be with you, than he isn't the man for you, you deserve to have someone that is 150% sure they want to be with you here and now.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Your a great girl Bri! #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Aww, Brianna!  I haven't read the replies yet but let me just say that sometimes (a LOT of the time) sh*t like this just happens.  And you know what?  As much as it hurts, ya just gotta let what will happen, happen.  If I told you about my relationship with my hubby before we finally got together for good, you would wonder how we ever DID get together!  We broke up several times over the course of a couple years, but something always pulled us back together.  We eventually decided that we didn't want to break up anymore, as we both knew that we were right for each other, so we decided to get married.  It didn't happen overnight though...it took time.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My point is that relationships rarely run smoothly and if you work TOO hard at holding onto someone when he really isn't ready to be held onto, all you're gonna do is make yourself even MORE miserable.  If he wants to back off, as hard as it is, LET HIM.  He will have to be the one to decide what he wants, and you're not going to be able to do anything about that.  If he decides that you are not The One for him, then trust me, you are better off without him and there is someone else out there for you, who IS The One.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Keep your chin up.  I know it's hard.  I've been there, many times.  Do NOT chase him.  Meet him halfway and let him come the rest of the way...or not.  It feels like the end of the world now, but life WILL go on if he decides that he's not ready for a long-term relationship.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#  #ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley31.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Brianna]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl# One thing you might want to ask him is if he is affraid and breaks up with you because hedoes not want to get hurt if the relationship does not work out, how will he ever be able to have a long term relationship work?  #ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl#I did ask him that last night. I said something along the lines of thinking that no hurt will ever go away completely. There's always some residual hurt there, even when you are legitimately over something. That residue can present itself in odd ways - for me, it is having someone tell me they will call and not doing it. My ex did that to me, he always said he would call and he never did. I am over him completely...but when someone else does that same thing to me, it still hurts - probably more than it would if I hadn't exposed myself to it in that relationship. Does that make sense? #ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl#His response was that time heals everything and that he will get over this. The only hurt he will never get over is his father passing away. He's asking for time to sort out whatever it is that happened...I don't know the story. I don't want to know. I don't think it would help me better understand. He said he's asking for space and time - i.e. to be out with his friends, etc. I don't have an issue with that. Maybe I should, lol. But I don't. If he is serious, and we can keep the lines of communication open about expectations during a "break" then, by all means, I am willing to try it. I am under no illusions it will be easy. I am willing to quit when that is the best alternative...but I don't see this as a valid reason for us to end officially.#ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I do appreciate all your comments. I know in one way or another, you've all been there - and so, you all probably understand why I can read everything you say and go, yea, good point, I hadn't thought of that. And still not be willing (or able to, at the moment) to believe it. You all know, too, that I need to figure it out on my own! I know there is a lot more hurt coming my way as we talk things out and figure out the best course of action. Maybe you guys are right...or maybe he is being legitimate. I can see it from both sides, and since I am not him, I don't know for sure. I don't #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#think#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# his feelings for me have changed...but again, I'm not him, I don't know for sure. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#I never expected this to be easy. I felt this coming last week. I thought about it myself, actually because I really don't like the wall that comes up between us every now and then - I think I understand now some of his other episodes like this. It seems to come after a particularly good/intense time spent together. Like you guys, I feel like he should be able to trust me with anything...especially his heart and his feelings. I feel like if he cares about me as much as he says he does, he should be willing to work on this. But - sometimes opening up to someone and getting crushed in response, impedes a person's ability to open up to the next person. He said he doesn't think its fair that I am open with him and he isn't able to do the same for me. He's right. It's not fair. But neither is this. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#Fritz - read it in bits and pieces. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#Chenders, thanks. I am not sure if he is "the one" - I think its too soon to tell. I do believe in fate...I believe everything happens for a reason. If we are meant to be, then somehow, we'll end up together. I certainly #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#can#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# live without him...at this moment, I don't #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#want#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# to. I have no intentions of chasing him...I've done that with other guys in the past. It got me nowhere, and I learned the very hard way that it was a waste of time and energy. Like I said, he asked how I feel and what I want, and I told him - and then I told him that the rest was up to him...that I am only 50% of the decision. And he needs to make the rest of it. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#He probably is 90% at his decision...which is probably why he finally said something when I pushed him. I don't think by any means I can change his mind, nor do I want to...I'm just trying to figure out what #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#he#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# #ed_op#EM#ed_cl#really#ed_op#/EM#ed_cl# wants. I know what I want. But, again, I am only half of the equation - and it is ultimately up to him.#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#Meh, I dunno. Time will tell...we are supposed to talk tomorrow night. If there's still no concrete answer from him, then I'm going to request that we meet like Saturday afternoon when I get out of work, and discuss it face to face...#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl##ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Brianna]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl#Rickie - I just wanted to add that you are right. I just went through a couple of the conversations we had online that I felt the need to save. On our first date, he said I make him nervous - and he stalled his car when we got stopped at a draw bridge. But when we first started dating we had a conversation online, and he was being secretive, so I asked what was up. He said that he loves hanging out with me and talking to me, and that when I smile, he melts. And that no one has ever had that effect on him before. Is it out of line to send that conversation to him??? ::meek grin::#ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Brianna, just don't try TOO hard to hold onto this guy (IOW, I wouldn't send him any previous emails, if I were you).  I guess that maybe with age, I have become too independent, but there's no way in *heck* that I would show this guy how much  his actions are affecting me.  You don't want to come across and needy and desperate...not that you are...but I would back right off and wait for him to come to you.  You've stated your case to him, he knows how you feel...now it's HIS turn to decide what he wants.  And honestly, if he's like most guys, he doesn't know, so he sure isn't going to be able to tell you how he feels when even HE can't figure that out!  He pretty-much said that he is afraid of commitment, so I think you've already received your answer.  Be available for him but don't kill yourself trying to hold onto the guy, if it's not what he wants.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Like others said, you are smart and attractive and I'll bet there are LOTS of guys out there who would meet you halfway and not use the excuse of a "being burned in a previous relationship" as a reason to not get closer to you.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#     #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Edited to say that I hope I'm not coming across as too harsh.  I'm not meaning to.  It's just that I see sooo much of myself in what you're going through, and I want to protect you from making the same mistakes I made.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[GoDDeSSofWiNgS]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Hey Bri I am sorry#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley31.gif"#ed_cl#.  My roomate right now is dealing with this exact situation.  Her bf of almost 3yrs jsut before we moved back here for school decided it was time they break up.  They were very different people and still re but I guess he has decided it was too much to get past and so they are broken up.  She is a wreck.  She thinks they will get back together and sure great if they do but what is she going to do sit around waiting?  Plus she is shooting herself in the foot because she is still talking to his sister who is prying.  Plus if he talks to her she talks back (which is fine but they are broken up and then she comes to me and complains at being confused, duh I wonder why eh?).  I really feel for her as its tough I know and you feel like crap but right now Im just trying to get her to that angry phase because she is still being nice to him and really she needs to yell at him, tell him to hit the road and be happy again (as you can see i cant deal in compassion lol).  Anyways point being we all have these situations and what will be will be#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//silly.gif"#ed_cl#.  Its probably good to talk it out face to face with him as soon as possible and get the real reasons for all this out on the table then you can move ahead.  Oh and it was suggested that you read "he's just not that into you" but the guy who wrote that one has a new book out called "its called a break up because its broken" there was a big write up in this months cosmo outlining its main points and I thought it so reasonable I ripped it out and gave it to my roomie after only skimming it lol.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Ruth]

#ed_op#P#ed_cl# #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#Bri, I first want to say that I am very sorry to hear this, I'm sure that we all feel for you, and have BTDT.#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#FONT color=#8000ff#ed_cl# He says I've done nothing wrong, that when he starts to feel a certain way and starts to get into relationship mode, he feels like he needs to back off. And that its because everytime he's gotten to this point in the past, he's been sh*t on. #ed_op#/FONT#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#This is the biggest load of bull. Honest to goodness, cry me an effin' river. Get over it, buddy, you're not 14. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but men say that all the time, and what it is, is that he wants to break up and doesn't want to feel like a bad guy. I'm sure he really doesn't want to hurt you, and also doesn't want to feel guilty for having done so. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#DO NOT WAIT. Not even for a minute. If things work out in the future that you get back together they will, but don't keep yourself on hold for him. You will mourn and you will grieve the loss of this relationship, but you will get over it and move on. Unlike your immature ex, who apparently can't get past his past.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Again, sorry if this is sounding a little harsh, but men say crap like that all the time and think we're dumb enough to believe them. It's not that we're dumb, it's because we want to believe them.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Anyway, cry lots, date your refrigerator, hug your horse... do whatever you have to do, but try to stay away from Mr. "I've been hurt before" until you are less hurt.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#This is the biggest load of bull. Honest to goodness, cry me an effin' river. Get over it, buddy, you're not 14.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#lol ruth!!! so true... #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#