Talking with your SO

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My SO and I are in a long distance relationship and talk mainly over MSN (cheapest way). We do occasionally use a webcam and microphone, but that doesn't always work if his roommate is around. But even though we may talk for hours, we don't always TALK (alot of small talk)...#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#what do you do to bring up a good converstation and what kind of things do you talk about? #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I find it hard sometimes to think of things to talk about- I mean it's not like there's always something new going on in my life (go to school, ride, work, do hw) so it's not like I can always bring something up...so any sort of ideas would help.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Tinkerbell27]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Whats an SO.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Tink#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#SO stands for significant other. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Tinkerbell27]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Thanks thats what I thought it ment,#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Tink#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#It happens. Its natural. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You cant always have something to talk about. A simple hey hows your day been ect is all you need sometimes. If you dont have anythign to talk about, dont talk.. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Youll find that if you move in with someone a some point, it will be exciting and stuff at first and you will want to do stuff together alot. But after awhile you will both need your space and you will need to go on with your life. Just because you dont spend every second with your partner doesnt mean its over or theres anything wrong. Its just the natural process. This works the same with the phone or msn. I talk to my bf usually every day on the phone. Sometimes all I say is oh hey hows it going, ya blah blah blah, ok well have a good night, talk to ya tomorow!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#On msn we sometimes send each other the silly icon messages and stuff like that. Play around you know. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Yeah that's true Xena.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#See that's the thing- I'm looking for something new to talk about, but nothing new has happened to either of us- it's just usually school for both of us and we can talk that over in 5 mins#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//lick.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Kaleena]

#ed_op#P#ed_cl#

My SO and I are in a long distance relationship and talk mainly over MSN (cheapest way).

#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#Sometimes the cheapest way isn't the best way. In my opinion you can't keep a relationship going long distance if rely on msn as your #ed_op#STRONG#ed_cl#main#ed_op#/STRONG#ed_cl# form of communication. Something in the conversation is always lost by doing this. I had this problem when I lived in London and my BF was in Toronto. We fell into a routine of only chatting on msn because it was cheaper. Well it didn't work for me. I told him flat out that we need to talk on the phone, msn is okay for little things like "hey, i'm running out the door, just wanted to say good luck on your exam today" or "don't forget to call your mom tonight" etc, not full blown conversations. #ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I'm looking for something new to talk about, but nothing new has happened to either of us- it's just usually school for both of us and we can talk that over in 5 mins#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//lick.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#P#ed_cl#

#ed_op#/P#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#To this I ask you....What did you talk about when he was here? If nothing is new now with either of you, what was new before that talked about? You can't force a conversation. If you only have 5min of stuff to talk about, end the conversation. Let him know you miss him and that you look forward to talking to him the following day or the next.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#During your daily routine if at some point you think, "man I wish ____ was here to see this" or "____ would have found this funny", write it down so you rememer and mention it the next time you talk to him. Its the little things, like showing that you were thinking about him that go a long way to show that hes still in your mind.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Now to getting him to do the same thing is another story! LOL#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Maybe sometimes make a point of not talking, like some days just say hi and then go find something else do do. That way if you dont actually have a conversation, you will actually have something meaningful to talk about when you do sit down and actually talk? Instead of just trying to force a conversation and getting frustrated like you are now. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[Gemina]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I could not talk to even my best friend for that long, GU.  I wouldn't even try and would tell him why. He is probably suffering as you are...men don't like talking as much as we do.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[zooka]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#spend some time reminising about times you have experienced together.  Keep up to date on what is going on with mutual friends.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#What did you guys talk about when you were together when he was still near you?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Well when he was here, it was always a similar conversation really, but since we experienced alot more of the same things together (like we both ran track, played in band, shared mutual friends) there was stuff that was related to that to talk about. Yes, I can still tell him about stuff, but him not being there, he can't really contribute to that converstation, it's just me telling stuff to him- you know? Its like giving him a run-down of the day or past few days, and then that ends up being it. So I was just looking for some new stuff to bring up. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#See Kaleena, talking over msn doesn't really bother me. I can deal with that. Probably because even when he was here, that was our main way of conversing. We would see eachother in school (but I didn't even see him all day, few mins in the morning, rarely during lunch, then I wouldn't really talk to him until after school and then after that it was always msn unless we went out, which wasn't all that often during school- every other weekend). But this is probably because of the status of our relationship- initally it was acceptable for him to be dating me (because his religion and what his family thought) so we've always talked over msn- and, he thinks the phone is going to eat him...silly boys. So it's not so much msn, although I do appreciate having the webcam and voice convo (that's even better than a phone).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#But that is a good point to write things down as they happen that I would like to tell him about. I'm sure it does happen like that- I have a funny moment or whatever, but end up forgetting about it later. I'll have to remember that one.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Xena- I don't think I could make a point of not talking to him! I just can't do that!#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley17.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Yes, you're right Gemina- boys don't like talking as much. I find it hard with my bf too because he's the kind of person that if you ask him a question he'll only give you a direct answer to that question (opposed to elaborating, which I find most females do naturally) and he doesn't ask me alot of questions (he just thinks that if I have something to say I'll just say it). Silly boys. So maybe that should be my question, how do I get the silly boy to open up a bit more?#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//smiley17.gif"#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#You all make good points. And it's true, shouldn't try to strain the conversation, but I think with not having the up-front interaction as face to face (and even when we're face to face we don't talk alot- both quiet people- but then it doesn't make too much of a difference because I'm fine with just knowing he's there), I feel almost a need to keep something going to make up for that loss- you know? #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[graciespook]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I agree with Kaleena..a lot of things are lost on the internet. You need to talk to him. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Its amazing how much we have in common with an SO in high school and when they move away I think that things fundamentaly change. You become a different person when you go away to school, and you have to expect that change as well. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#i second the whole "don't talk to him for a few days" idea if you need to talk about "something".#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#i live with hubby, and some nights we don't even talk past a quick "hey babe, how as work?"...it's just a comfort thing, we don't need to speak to each other all night every night.....but of course, we live together..#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#GU - sometime silence is golden!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#i wouldn't worry about it.....just keep the convo short & sweet with a quick, i miss you & i love you at the end..if you only have 5 mins worht of stuff to tell him, then so be it.....it doesn't have to be a marathon conversation every night right?#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#ahh, BT explained it better than I did. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#My bf had to go away recently for a couple weeks, the circumstances only allowed us to talk on a really horrible phone line for a few minutes every few days. And by horrible I mean it, he was in Alert which is the most northern part of Nunavut. There was a huge phone delay adn the line was soooo quiet. There was no internet. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#But it didnt bother me. Sure I missed him, but im comfortable in our relationship and I know that even if we dont talk constantly, he is going to be there still. And when we did get to talk, it was that much more special. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Im going away for almost a week next week and I wont be able to talk to him for the entire time. But ill live, and I will have that much more stuff to talk to him about when I do get to talk to him. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Oh well your still young and in highschool right? Or just out of highschool.  I think most girls your age have that kind of reaction, in a couple years even you will understand more. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#ahh, BT explained it better than I did. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#lol xena...sometimes i can explain what i mean...other times, it gets lost in my typing!!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#anyways, GU.....i wouldn't worry about it....believe me, there are days when i wish hubby wouldn't talk to me (lol..i'm soooo mean!!), but other times, yes it's nice to have an adult conversation (which he can do **at times**)....#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#anyways, you're young, go out, enjoy yourself, do your school work & have fun with the horse. don't stress so much about a conversation....i'd rather talk to someone for 5 minutes than sit there babbling about nothing just to keep the conversation going for the next 30 minutes. and hey, don't worry if you don't talk everyday....it'll free up more time for you to ride!!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[chenders01]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#GU, who is the person initiating these conversations??  Is it always you?  If so, then maybe it needs to be him once in awhile.  If a relationship is all one-sided, then it's not going to last.  He's away at school, you're here.  Your interests are different now and you no longer have as much in common as you once did.  Don't try to force the relationship.  If it's meant to be, it will last.  If you find yourself running out of things to say, then just say "good-bye" and wait until you DO have something to say.  He should do the same.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Talking should be a *natural* thing, not something you have to sit and *think* about what you're going to talk about.  My hubby and I can sit for a whole meal, and not say anything to each other.  It doesn't mean we don't love each other...we are just comfortable being with each other, without always feeling the need to talk.  Sometimes people talk TOO much!  It's nice to be able to just BE with each other, without having to talk all the time.  I know that this is difficult for you, since you're not physically together, but don't feel that you have to have a 20-minute conversation with him every night, when you've only got 5 minutes worth of stuff to talk about!#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#    #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[*Giddy Up*]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I definitely understand what you guys are saying- you're right- shouldn't be a forced conversation. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Xena- Yes, I'm in highschool (already graduated, but back for year). I understand your point, but I think there's a difference between being away from someone for a week and 8 months#ed_op#IMG src="http://forums.equestrianconnection.com/richedit/smileys//lick.gif"#ed_cl#. I do understand your point though- don't think I'm completely dependent on him- we have gone weeks without speaking before (like when he's at his dad's, and when he was away in Hungary for the summer- only had letter correspondence).#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#BT- lol, you're funny. Actually, when we're together I agree, the convo isn't so important, and we can be the same- just be there without saying anything.  #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#No, I don't need to have a marathon conversation- nor do we talk every night (usually weekends and a couple nights during the week depending on how busy he is and if he comes online before I go to bed, since there is the time change- I'm always online because I leave my MSN on while I do hw). I was more just looking for questions/ideas to ask to be able to spark an interesting conversation once and awhile- something different than the oridinary. There was a website I was on that had questions to ask your SO (or even friends, as one time one of my girl friends and I did it) that were different (ie. dreams, aspirations, ect) but we've talked about most of those things- so something new.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Don't worry, there is not much that will keep me away from riding- I'm still going out 5 nights a week. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think that we were suggesting the not talking to him for a day or so so that your conversations with him would be much more pleasurable and less forced. Because you shouldnt have to go looking on websites or asking us for advice on what to talk about. I can talk to my bf for hours without thinking about it, and then if I dont feel like talking, I dont. I usually call him every night, but sometimes I just say hey, how was your day and then say goodbye. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Like chenders said, you and your bfs interests are different now, and you will continually be changing and growing up and your needs and expectations for life will change. Its not anything to be worried about. You cant force the relationship.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#And just so you know, my bf at some point will be going to Afganistan, right now he has the option of going when he wants. But if it comes down to it and they run out of volunteering people they will force him to go. And trust me, going to Afganistan with the possibility of being killed is much worse then going to university. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[babytigger]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#I think that we were suggesting the not talking to him for a day or so so that your conversations with him would be much more pleasurable and less forced. Because you shouldnt have to go looking on websites or asking us for advice on what to talk about. I can talk to my bf for hours without thinking about it, and then if I dont feel like talking, I dont. I usually call him every night, but sometimes I just say hey, how was your day and then say goodbye. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#Like chenders said, you and your bfs interests are different now, and you will continually be changing and growing up and your needs and expectations for life will change. Its not anything to be worried about. You cant force the relationship.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#And just so you know, my bf at some point will be going to Afganistan, right now he has the option of going when he wants. But if it comes down to it and they run out of volunteering people they will force him to go. And trust me, going to Afganistan with the possibility of being killed is much worse then going to university. #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#see xena - you guys must ahve very inteersting conversations then....my friend's hubby is in the military...there are times when she only speaks to him once every two weeks, if that?! and of course, half the time she doesn't "know" where he is....you know, top secret military stuff...that would drive me nuts, but that's just me....#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl# #ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl##ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#GU.....yah, i try, lol.#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#

[xena_n_joss]

#ed_op#DIV#ed_cl#meh, he tells me everything, most of the stuff that goes on at his work I dont understand anyways... lol#ed_op#/DIV#ed_cl#